


The Broken Jedi

by Maiihemm



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Angst, F/M, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Kylo is a jerk, My First AO3 Post, My First Work in This Fandom, My OC sounds weak but she's kind of a bad ass, Not everything is gonna be cannon, Slooooow burn, Sorry Not Sorry, don't hate me, even if it seems slow, i promise its gonna be good, i promise that ill try, kind of, no okay actually he is, okay i cant promise that, there's gonna be smut, you're gonna get whiplash from his mood swings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-03-20 13:54:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13719099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maiihemm/pseuds/Maiihemm
Summary: Aurora was one of the few that Kylo Ren took when he burned down the temple. Most of them were slaughtered when he left, but there is something else in mind for her.





	1. Every Choice Has A Consequence

**Author's Note:**

> I am currently completely revamping this story. If you have read this before 8/2018 you probably will need to re-read. I am going a bit darker because I feel like this story needs to be that way. Thanks!

_I was running as I laughed. There was something about being able to run freely that cleared my mind. It was one of my favorite things to do, even if I wasn’t very coordinated. The moon lit up the tall grass, but I knew that I would end up tripping and falling. I always did even when I was focused, and right then I was laughing too hard. I could hear the footsteps following me, which only made my laughing fit even worse. I turned my head back, which was a mistake, and I was falling to the ground. I caught myself with the force right before my face hit. I turned my head to the side as I heard a thump next to me. I pushed the grass down that was blocking my view and was instantly greeted by a smiling face._

_“You need to learn to use the force more. You would be less likely to fall.”_

_I continued to laugh as I let myself fall down to the ground the rest of the way. I kept my face turned towards him, watching his face in the moonlight. He was still breathing heavy after out impromptu run. His raven hair was splayed out across the ground around him._

_“I was being chased. Kind of hard to focus.”_

_His face became more serious as he rolled to his side to look at me._

_“You could be chased during battle, Aurora.”_

_“Me? No.” I laughed. “I’ll always face my enemies. Square on. No running needed.”_

The end of this memory was supposed to be him smiling and telling me that I was beautiful when I was stubborn. He then reached forward and gently brushed the hair out of my face as my cheeks flushed. Suddenly things started to change in a way that was new to me.

_His eyes turned red and a sick smile spread. His energy turned sickly and wrong. I started to scramble away from him, unable to unlock my eyes from his._

_“You’re wrong, Aurora. You will run, but I’ll catch you. And when I do…”_

_I tried to get up and run, but I felt his hand pull my ankle out from under me. He climbed on top of me, pinning me down._

_“I’ll kill you.”_

_He growled it in my ear as I felt my sight go black. I let out a scream as the pain overwhelmed me._

The scream carried over into my consciousness, waking me up. I groaned as my muscles contracted from the effort of trying to jump. I wiggled my fingers trying to get some type of relief. The straps on my wrist were tight, but I was still able to wiggle a bit.

Every time I woke up, I made an effort to get the blood flowing. I didn’t think that I would be able to walk after being strapped down for so long, but I didn’t want to lose use of my extremities either. I lost track of the cycles that I was strapped to the damn table, but I wouldn’t ever give them the information they wanted. It didn’t matter how many beatings or torture they put me through.

I was almost thankful for the strap holding my head in place. It made my neck sore, but it meant that I couldn’t actually survey the damage done to me. They had droids, troopers and officers all in there trying to get information. I was sure that every bone in my body had been broken at some point.

I laid there focusing on the pain instead of how shaken up I was over the dreams. It had been at least fourteen cycles since anyone had been in to harm me, but that was when the dreams started. The dreams made it easy to remember the cycles, because they left me shaking. I couldn’t ever seem to forget them, and each one added onto the fatigue. I figured that was a new way to try to break me. My body didn’t matter to me. Pain didn’t phase me. I had learned at a very young age to work through the pain.

I was rubbish at working through my mental torment though.

The only thing that I could focus on was just how damn tired I was.

* * *

 

My eyes had started to flutter shut, despite my attempt to keep them open. It felt relieving to move what little parts of me that I could, but it also made me exhausted. My captors had hooked me up to tubes for nourishment and hydration. It kept me alive but weak enough that even if I found a way to get out of the straps, I wouldn’t make it very far.

“You are a particularly strong being, you know. Most of those we capture give up information within a few hours.”

I opened my eyes to see the red headed man that usually watched my beatings standing above me. I blinked and licked my chapped lips, trying to prepare to speak. It had been so long since anyone had spoken to me.

“I to-told you. I won’t tell you anything.”

“Hmm. Yes. You did say that.”

He crossed his arms behind his back and looked at me almost as if I were an experiment.

“Then why is it so surprising that I have yet to crack?”

“Oh, you have started. Our Supreme Leader has made sure of that.”

I let out a painful scoff as he moved down towards my feet.

“Only children are bothered by nightmares.”

“Ren seems to think the particular route that they will be using is going to work.”

“Ben has always underestimated me.”

He let out a laugh as he moved back to my side.

“Don’t let him hear you calling him that, child.”

I grit my teeth. The man staring at me couldn’t have been much older than myself. Probably born into a rich family and appointed as a leader because of his last name.

I resented him calling me a child.

“Ah, did I touch a nerve? Would you prefer I call you prisoner?”

“Yes.”

“Unfortunately, I am not in the business of making you comfortable.”

“I can clearly see that by the straps digging into my skin. I mean I understand keeping a prisoner uncomfortable, but did you need to have your men strip me down first?”

“You are an obstinate little thing, aren’t you?” He grinned.

“Some would find that endearing.”

“I am not one to find much endearing. Unless you wanted to answer all my questions right now. That may possibly be considered endearing.”

I let out a soft laugh and moved my eyes back up to the ceiling.

“That is what I figured. I would wish you a good evening, but I doubt that will be possible.”

“Thank you for the kind words.” I snarked.

I heard his footsteps as he walked out, leaving me alone again. I wiggled my body, wincing as the straps dug into my skin. I figured that the more I moved the tighter they got, but it was hard to not try to shift and move. Meditation had gotten me through the beginning, but I couldn’t afford to fall asleep anymore.

As I fought to keep my eyes open, all I could think about was just how damn tired I was.

I was tired of the straps digging into my skin. I was tired of the beatings and torture. I was tired of the masked man that used to be my rock standing by as I was ripped to pieces. I was tired of waiting to be saved.

I was honestly just tired of existing.

It didn’t matter though. I had to continue fighting. I had to keep pushing forward and holding strong. I had no idea what was going on in the rest of the universe, but I knew right then my purpose was to stay strong.

I just had to stay strong.

* * *

 

_I was running as fast as possible as my chest heaved. It felt like I had been running forever. Normally running had been exhilarating for me, but I felt nothing but terror. I was tired of running, but the darkness following me kept me moving forward._

_I ran down the hallway that seemed to stretch on forever. I pushed through the pain and my lungs that I was sure were literally on fire at that point. The further I ran, the more I noticed that there was a light up ahead. I pushed myself even harder, knowing that the light would always be able to fight the dark. Even if small battles were to be lost, the light would be my saving grace._

_I felt a smile spread across my face as my body found its second wind. The darkness was falling back as I moved forward. The light was almost blinding as I got closer. I felt a laugh bubble out of my chest, out of relief. I started to slow, knowing that it was almost over. I wasn’t sure if it meant death or salvation, but anything was better than the black tendrils trying to pull me back._

_I saw a hand reach out, finally, to help me the rest of the way. I reached out, letting joy wash through me as our fingertips touched. I blinked into the light, trying desperately to see my savior. I smiled as I tried to still move forward._

_Suddenly, the hand gripped tightly onto my hand as I felt another grab my other wrist. I winced as the grip tightened onto me, crushing me. I cried out as I felt my bones start to bend._

_“You thought you could get away from me so easily, Aurora? The light can’t save you. There is nothing but darkness.”_

_My heart sank as I heard the words come from his voice modulator. His towering frame came into view as he walked me back towards the tendrils that were now dancing around my ankles, getting tighter and tighter._

_“Just give up. It’s so much less painful if you would just give up.”_

_“I can’t!”_

_He paused briefly before he pushed me back. I clawed in the air, desperately trying to hold onto him to stop my descent. I cried out in pain as the tendrils pulled me deeper and deeper. The dark was suffocating but all I could see was Kylo Ren watching me fall deeper._

**_Give in child. Just give in._ **

_“I can’t! I won’t!”_

**_The pain will stop as soon as you give in._ **

_Before I could answer, the tendrils pushed into me deeper. I screamed out in pain, just wanting it to stop. I begged for it to stop but it just hurt more. The more I struggled the more it hurt._

* * *

I woke up to tears streaming down my face. My whole body was on fire and I could feel the blood running down the now open cuts from the straps holding me down. I let the sobs wrack my body as I tried to calm myself down.

The nightmares had been relentless no matter how long I tried to stay awake. The moment I would let my eyes shut, I would be thrown head first into pain and torment. I was trying to stay strong but the exhaustion was finally getting to me.

I heard the door open and knew I should try to stop crying. The tears just kept streaming down my face as I stared up at the ceiling. The footsteps stopped as soon as they got close to me.

“Get her up.”

“Yes, Commander.”

I felt the straps fall off me as the troopers released them. Sobs continued to escape me, no matter how hard I tried to stop them. I screamed out in pain as the troopers dragged me off the table. All the blood flow was returning to my body just as much as the cuts were being aggravated.

“Bring her to the Supreme Leader immediately.”

“Yes, Commander.”

My hair fell in my face as they dragged me forward. I tried to move my feet to keep up, but I couldn’t get them to work.

“Supreme Leader wants to see her bleeding and naked?”

I turned my head to the side to see the ginger standing there next to Kylo Ren. I shuddered, having the memory of my nightmare flash through my head. I couldn’t shake the feeling of his hands crushing mine.

“She isn’t a doll, General Hux. She is a prisoner and will be treated as such.”

“Very well.”

The troopers dragged me down the hallway, pausing just long enough to let the Commander and General lead the way. I gave up trying to move my legs, opting to just let them drag me. We got to the door and I realized that we must have been moving slowly, because we were being waited on. I almost felt ashamed for being waited on, although it was their fault that I was in that condition to begin with.

The doors opened and Kylo Ren grabbed my arms, taking me from the troopers. I flinched, still reeling from the damn nightmare. I felt as if I were being dragged to hell by the creature all children were told to fear as they sat around a fire. As we moved forward, I heard Snokes laugh ring out into the room. I picked my head up as much as I could, though it wasn’t much to be proud of.  He still looked just as hideous as I remembered, if that was even possible.

“Drop her there, apprentice.”

I crashed to the ground, barely able to catch myself with my hands and knees. My long hair was matted but still somehow fell around my face. My whole body was shaking with all of the effort I was putting forward.

“You walk among the living, Aurora! Well, barely I see.”

If I could have spit venom at that point, I would have.

“Are you feeling alright? You seem a little.. weak.” He sneered.

“I am.” I said quietly.

“You are what? Weak? Tired? How have your dreams been treating you?”

I forced myself to pick my head up to look him in the eyes as a sick smile spread across his face.

“Oh, if looks could kill. There is still so much fight left in you, child.”

I grit my teeth at the name. I was a fighter, and here I was reduced to nothing but a bleeding mess.

“Oh, dear Aurora. You came to me so strong and full of life. Now you look as if you’ve fought off an entire army. What happened to you?”

I grit my teeth, not wanting him to ever see me that weak. I felt tears sting my eyes from the pain and embarrassment. It wasn’t bad enough that I had been tortured, but now here I was absolutely exposed as well. I wondered what Master Skywalker would think of me, seeing me so low.

“He would think that you gave it your all. But I am sure that he would still ask for more of you. The Jedi never seemed to be understanding of pain and anguish. It’s always about their order and their code.”

I looked back up at him, letting the tears stream down my face. The salt stung the wounds, but it was honestly nothing in comparison to the shame I was feeling.

“I know it hurts. I know every part of your body is screaming in agony. You yearn for a bed and a good nights sleep. You wish you could smile and laugh again. You miss your darling Ben and the future you dreamed up.”

I dropped my head back down, afraid to look at him more.

“I can give you proper food and a bed.”

“I need nothing from you.”

“Clothes? A shower?”

“And what price would I have to pay? How many innocents would I need to slaughter in your name?”

“Just do as you’re told. You do whatever Kylo Ren tells you to do. Renounce the Resistance, Master Skywalker and the Jedi. Submit yourself to your new master and the First Order.”

“You’re asking me to be a slave? To give in to the Dark side and be a slave to your.. your lap dog?”

“I’m telling you it’s how you will survive.”

I growled in frustration, trying to will my body to stand up.

“Think of it as being a guest here.”

“A guest with chains.”

“Our slaves live better lives than our prisoners. Aurora, anyone with an ounce of self-preservation would do what I am telling you to.”

“I won’t give you any information. That hasn’t changed.”

“You don’t need to. You have other ways of being useful.”

He was promising me a shower, clothes and even a bed. Real food. I hated the fact that it even sounded remotely appealing.

“The nightmares will stop.”

“How can I believe anything you say to me?” I whispered.

“You don’t have any other choice. Either choose to go back to the table, or to a warm bed. It is your decision and you must live with the consequences.”


	2. Just The Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Chapter 2 as of 8/2018

I tried to tell myself that I was just biding my time. I would escape and find Master Skywalker. He would welcome me back and tell me how he had been searching for me the entire time. He would understand why I gave in. Living strapped to the table was going to wear my body down. He would tell me I was doing the right thing by accepting an advantage. I wanted to believe that everything would go back to the way it needed to. The way that it should be. I could go back to being a Jedi. I would help restore order to the universe.

I couldn’t get myself to see it, though. Not really.

In truth I felt guilty for breaking. I had looked Snoke in the eyes and told him yes. I told him that I would obey Kylo Ren and do what he wished of me. And for what? A shower, a bed and some clothes?

Master Skywalker would never want me back after that. I had traded my soul for basic comforts.

The Storm Troopers dragged me back to what I though would be a dingy cell, but instead we entered a well-lit room. There was furniture as if it were a living space along with a huge bed in the back. They dropped me to the floor and tossed a pile of clothes in front of me.

“The refresher is connected to this room. The only way out is through the door we just dragged you through, and it will be locked. Take a shower and make yourself presentable for your meeting with Commander Ren.”

They both walked out, leaving me completely helpless. I reached out and pulled the clothes to my chest. The fabric felt soft, but I wasn’t sure if that was just me being unaccustomed to anything but the table straps.

I pulled myself up with a chair that was close to me, yelling out in pain in the process. I clutched the clothes to me, almost as if they would will me to be able to walk. I attempted one step but crashed back to the ground. I looked around, suddenly afraid that Kylo Ren was on the other end of a hidden camera. I could just see him laughing at my pain.

Did he laugh? He barely spoke if I could remember correctly. General Hux I am sure would be much more amused by my pain. Such an arrogant little ginger prick. I laughed out at my description of him, startling myself. The sound was so foreign to me.

I looked back at the chair and contemplated pulling myself back up. I felt like it was useless, though. I was just wasting energy pulling myself up just to crash back down again. I groaned and rolled my eyes when I realized that I was going to have to crawl across the room.

I was naked, bloody and bruised. Then I would be crawling across the floor. With my clothes between my teeth. I could have blown up a planet with the amount of rage I was feeling.

Once I swallowed my pride and crawled across the room, I pulled myself up in the doorway. The refresher was small enough that I was able to maneuver around holding onto what was around me. I set the clothes on the counter and dragged myself into the shower.

I groaned as the hot water washed over my body. It hurt to have the pressure on the wounds, but the heat was doing wonders for my sore muscles. I looked down at the drain and saw all the dried blood and dirt whisking away. I let the water run through my hair as I tried to work my fingers through it. It was matted, but it was almost relaxing to make it lay flat again.

My white hair had always made me stand out. Even during the time when I was a slave. No matter the circumstance, I always was complimented on it and told I was beautiful. I knew that vanity was wrong in the Jedi code, but I never had the heart to cut it off.

I looked down at my body and frowned at all the cuts and bruises. I knew that I would be littered with scars by the time they healed. I finished cleaning myself up and climbed out of the shower. I wrapped a clean towel around myself before I realized that someone else was in the room. I jumped, almost falling, but was able to catch myself.

“You couldn’t knock?”

“I could have.”

I grit my teeth as he walked out, pissed that I hadn’t heard him come into the refresher. I quickly put the clothes on that had been tossed to me. They were a pair of long black pants that hugged my legs. The shirt was long sleeved and hugged my body but had an outer part that closed almost like the clothes I wore at the academy. The material still felt soft to me, but it was putting pressure on my cuts that made it hard to focus.

I quickly pulled my hair into a long braid before limping my way a few steps past the doorway. My steps were unsteady and weak, but I was at least on my feet. He picked his head up to look at me, I think, but he still had his helmet on. I stood still, unsure of what to do.

“You will kneel.”

I tried to slowly drop to one knee, but I fell much quicker than I wanted to. I stifled a grunt in pain as I tried to hold myself in that position.

“You aren’t my apprentice. You are nothing but a woman. My slave. Drop.”

I felt the words sting me as he said them.

_Don’t ever kneel like that Aurora. You aren’t a slave, anymore. You are a Jedi._

I pulled my leg so I could drop to both knees. It hurt my soul to do so, but I kept reminding myself that is what I needed to do to escape. I needed to play along. I kept my eyes on his feet as he stood up and walked towards me.

“Give me your hands.”

I raised them up, almost thinking that he was going to help me to my feet. He scoffed and slapped two metal bracelets on me. They were thin metal that fused together as soon as they met my wrists. They were tight, but not any tighter than the straps I was used to. Suddenly the force left me, leaving all my senses feeling as if they were snuffed out.

“These are to ensure you don’t try to use the force. You will only have what I give you.”

I dropped my wrists onto my lap. I hadn’t even considered that they would take away my ability to feel the force.

“This is where you say yes master.”

I grit my teeth, yet again feeling humiliated.

“Yes, master.”

“This is your room. You may not leave without me. I am the only one who can open the door. Food will be brought to you as I see fit.”

“Yes, Master.”

“You will always look presentable here. There are more of those outfits in your dresser and things to do your hair in the refresher.”

“Yes, Master.”

“You would be wise to remember that you aren’t a Jedi anymore. Make sure you act like you know your place. You have been given a chance to live, which you should know isn’t given to many.”

“What about the others you took?”

I felt the force grip my throat as the anger radiated off him. I winced at the pain but tried to keep myself composed.

“Mind your mouth, Jedi scum.”

“You were once a Jedi too.”

“Mind your mouth.”

Even with the metallic voice, I could hear the malice in his words.

“Why should I? Why won’t you just kill me already. Once less Jedi in the world.”

The force slammed me even harder, holding my whole body in place. He stalked forward and grabbed my braid, yanking it upwards. I gasped at the pain but was unable to move.

“I heard you thinking about your hair in the shower. It makes you feel beautiful. It reminds you of times when you were loved and appreciated.”

I felt a shiver run down my spine as he spoke.

“You haven’t been given permission to feel beauty. You haven’t earned the right to have anything that you want. You have been given the chance to live and yet here you are being an obstinance little brat.”

He yanked my hair harder, winding it around his hand. I let out a small sob as I heard his sabre ignite.

“Now is time for the first two lessons, Aurora. One; you have NOTHING unless I give it to you.”

He brought the sabre down, slicing my long hair off in one foul swoop. He tossed the braided hair on the ground in front of me as the force dropped me, letting me smash to the ground. My now short hair fell to the sides of my face as the tears rolled down my cheeks.

“Have you learned your first lesson?”

“Y-yes master.”

He knelt down in front of me and grabbed my chin roughly. He yanked my face up so I was looking at him as I continued to shake and cry.

“Now learn the second. You will never feel love here. Your whole world is going to revolve around me and what I want. And I will never want to love a little slave like you.”

He roughly let go of my face as he stood back up. I wanted to curl up into a tiny ball, small enough that the universe wouldn’t even know I ever existed. He walked out of the room without a second glance.

My heart felt as if it were breaking. Master Skywalker wasn’t looking for me. I had even given into Snoke’s demands. The worst of it all; Ben was gone. He had been killed and taken over by whatever creature was wearing his skin. The man I had loved with all my heart was gone.

Eventually, I climbed across the floor and pulled myself into the bed. It was comfortable, and the blankets were warm. I knew that Snoke wanted me to feel comfort because he commanded it. I knew that I should try to resist. I even considered moving to the floor and sleeping down there. He wanted me to break, and I had.

I tried to remember the comforts I felt at the temple. I tried to remember the smiled and good times. I couldn’t though. Just the damn _thing_ that cut off my hair and stripped my identity from me.

Tears stung my eyes, again, as sleep started to wash over me. I tried to will myself to get out of the bed and refuse their false hospitality. My eyes began to flutter as my body protested moving.

He had won.

* * *

 

I slept without dreaming for the first time in weeks. When I woke up, I felt even worse than the night before. I stayed curled up on my side, afraid to move. It felt like my entire body had been seized up in a tight grip. I tried thinking of something I needed to do, but other than breathe, I came up short. Life didn’t seem to have much meaning anymore.

_Your whole world is going to revolve around me and what I want._

I shuttered at the memory of his words. I stared at my hand, trying to keep my mind off him. I had lost weight. Enough so that my hands looked sickly and frail. My nails were broken, at least those they hadn’t ripped off me. Those had almost grown back in. I ran my fingers across the sheet, almost wishing that it would hurt. I would at least know I was alive, then. I had gotten so lost in my own thoughts, that I didn’t hear anyone come in.

“I can sense that you’re awake.”

I pulled myself up, wincing in pain. Every fiber in my body was telling me to stay put, so I hesitated. He stalked forward and send me flying off the bed onto my knees. I hissed out in pain as I smashed to the floor.

“I told you to kneel.”

“I couldn’t get up.”

“You are in pain.” He sneered.

“I will be fine, _Master Ren._ Just not used to _actually sleeping._ ” I snapped.

“Can you stand?”

I hesitated again. I wasn’t sure that I could, not without falling again. I glanced over at the bed and gripped it with my left hand. I slowly pulled myself to my feet, leaning heavily on the bed still.

“Go in and take a shower. The heat will help.”

“I’m fine.”

“It wasn’t a request.”

“You don’t need to tell me when to bathe. I am perfectly capable of-“

I felt the force grip my throat, again. He had his hand extended as he visualized actually choking me.

“I don’t think that you actually learned your lessons last night, slave girl. Your world revolves around ME. You will do what pleases ME. Your entire existence hinges on my damn mood.”

He let go of his grip, allowing me to inhale deeply.

“You should have just killed me in the temple.”

“If it had been up to me, you would have been dead long ago.”

“You took me.”

“I’m not arguing with you, slave girl. Now go.”

I turned and head towards the shower, more out of self preservation than anything else. I wanted to say that he didn’t scare me, but I knew that if provoked he would kill me without a second thought. I was broken, but I hadn’t completely given up yet.

After letting the hot water loosen up my muscles, I stepped out of the shower. I jumped when I realized he had followed me in. I shivered, but he acted as if he didn’t notice. He pulled one of his gloves off and ran his fingertips across the cut that ran the length of my upper chest, including my collar bone. He pushed in, splitting it open again with ease. I winced in pain and tried to move away, but his other hand caught me, holding me in place.

“You’re weak. Standing here with cuts and bruises littering your body. Look how easy it is for me to hurt you.”

“And you don’t bleed, _Master Ren.”_

He stopped moving and his helmet turned towards my face.

“No.”

He wiped the blood on my skin before putting his glove back on. He exited the room quickly and without another word. I used the towel to blot at the now open wound, hissing in pain as I did. I had no idea what he had in mind for me, other than to make me miserable, but I had a feeling that was just the beginning.


	3. Getting To Know The Enemy

Six times the droids came and six times I refused to eat the food they offered. I knew that I needed the strength, but I didn’t trust my captors not to slowly poison me. Or Kylo Ren would come in and tell me he had spit in it. I didn’t trust any of them.

I spent the three cycles alone trying to come to terms with my new life. I wanted to hold onto hope but the more time I spent locked in the room the more I gave up on the idea that I would ever be saved. I had always been able to take care of myself but I couldn’t even make it out of bed for long. When I did, I looked for books or something to keep my mind busy. The room was cold in every sense of the word.

I heard the door open but didn’t move. I assumed that it was a droid trying to bring me more food. I would ignore it just like I did all the rest. I stayed looking at my hands that I had placed on my knees.

“You must feel particularly comfortable in here if you don’t feel the need to even look up.”

“General.”

“And how would you know it is?”

“I can sense the arrogance in your voice. It’s almost palpable.”

“The slave girl surprises me again. I wouldn’t have guessed you to have such a high level of vocabulary.”

“I enjoy reading. Though I doubt that I will ever get much that I enjoy in this place.”

“That depends on your actions and your masters mood.”

“Then I am doomed to be forever stagnant.”

He scoffed.

“You sound like such a whiney brat.”

“You could always leave.”

“Yes. That I could.”

I didn’t hear his footsteps, so I turned to look at him finally. He was standing in the middle of the room with his hands behind his back. His head was held high as he looked at me.

“But I suppose you won’t.”

“Maybe if you ask very nicely.”

I laughed out at him, knowing that he was just being a smartass.

“What is it that you want, General.”

“Oh, there are many things that I want Aurora. I suppose you mean at this moment though. I came in to see if you were still breathing. I had received the report that you haven’t eaten even an ounce of the food we have sent.”

“I figured there would be poison in it.”

“What purpose would we have in poisoning you? If we wanted you dead you would be. We wouldn’t have wasted the water and resources in keeping you alive.”

“I don’t see much of a purpose in anything that the First Order does.”

“Why speak to me then?”

“It’s either engage in conversation or listen to you talk to yourself. I doubt my silence would deter you from telling me exactly what was going through your head.”

“You’re probably right on that. Would you eat if I asked you to join me in my chambers?”

“Is Kylo Ren pimping me out now?”

General Hux scoffed and shook his head.

“You’re hardly my type, slave girl.”

“You probably like them silent and obedient, right?”

“Obedient yes. Silent no.”

I felt my face heat up as he continued to look at me.

“I will send by someone to fetch you when the food is ready.”

He turned and walked out of the room before I could object.

* * *

 

I was summoned by a stormtrooper a short time later. It was the same one that had been standing guard most of the time. FN2187 is what was printed on his armor. I wondered if they had nicknames for each other or if they were forced to use the whole number.  It reminded me of being a slave. I would have hated being nothing more than a number. At least Slave Girl was personal to me and not easy to mix up with those around me.

“Are you allowed to speak to me?”

His helmet tilted towards me as we walked before it pointed forward again.

“Yes.”

“No trade secrets though, right?”

“You probably know more than I do.”

“What were the orders given to you?”

“Guard the Commanders chambers unless he tells me otherwise.”

“The Commanders chambers?”

“Yes.”

“He has me sleeping in _his_ room?”

“Did you think the First Order would give a sl- Jedi a room to herself?”

“Be careful, FN2187. If Ren hears you calling me anything but slave he’s likely to kill you.”

He nodded as we moved down the hallway.

“Does he know I’m going to General Huxs chambers?”

“He will know upon his return. We are here.”

“Will you be the one walking me back?”

“Yes.”

“How did you end up with a shitty babysitting gig?”

“Part of my reconditioning.”

“What?”

The doors opened and pulled my attention from the trooper. General Hux was sitting down looking at his datapad. He looked up just long enough to motion for me to enter. I looked back at the trooper before stepping forward. The door shut behind me, causing me to jump.

“Aren’t you the jumpy little thing today.”

“I’m in a foreign place without the ability to feel the force. Of course I am jumpy, sir.”

He smirked at me before setting the data pad down.

“Please. Have a seat.”

“I feel like that is more of a demand than a request.”

“As long as you are respectful and behave, I will treat you kindly.”

“And if I do not?”

“Then you will pay for it.”

It didn’t sound like a threat. It was much more of a fact that he was telling me. I nodded and sat down in the chair opposite of him. He was still dressed in his military uniform, though the top button was undone. I wasn’t sure how he kept his uniform so perfect, but it made me feel underdressed. I was still wearing the clothes Kylo had given me. I was able to change but all I had were more sets of the same thing.

“Tell me, Aurora, did you have a uniform at the Jedi Temple?”

“Sort of. It was fairly similar to what I am wearing now. Not black though.”

“Do you miss it there?”

I hesitated. He seemed very relaxed about the conversation but I knew he was asking for some type of advantage.

“I don’t think Ren needs to even read your mind. Your face says it all.”

“I don’t trust you, General.”

“The feeling is mutual, Aurora.”

“So no I am Aurora and not slave girl?”

“Would you prefer that over your given name?”

“What is it that you want, General. I know you didn’t ask me here out of the kindness of your heart.”

“You are correct on that. Though I do think it is important for me to know those who are on my ship.”

“So you know every single officer and trooper on your ship?”

“No. I can look them up very easily though. You, however, are a different story. We have no data on you. No family tree, no personality inventory or past medical history. We don’t even have a home world.”

“I have no family. No medical history. I don’t know what planet I come from because I was sold very early into slavery. I assume that I am human because I look like it but I know there are many races that look similar. I am a subpar force user who happened to be found by Luke Skywalker. I trained with Ben Solo until I was captured and brought here. The rest I’m sure you know.”

“You so easily give up your past.”

“It’s not much of a past, General.”

“Tell me, did your slave master beat you?”

“Yes. Only when I didn’t move fast enough. I was one of the lucky ones.”

“How is that?”

The droids came in and set the food down in front of us. I looked over to Hux and saw that he was still looking at me instead of at the food.

“I assume it was my sensitivity to the force but I was always able to convince those who were buying from him or selling to him to make a better deal. I quickly picked up on three spoken languages and two more written after that. I was the one sent out to barter and trade. I was given a bed and clean clothes. My hair was cut shorter so it wasn’t in knots.”

“So you slept in a bed while the others slept where? On the ground?”

“I was given a bed but I did not sleep in it. I usually gave it up to the small children or sick women. I slept on the ground under the stars.”

“Didn’t it enrage your master?”

“Of course.”

“Why did he not kill you?”

“I was useful. I knew languages he didn’t and made it so he didn’t have to do most of his work.”

“I see.”

“Would you have killed me?”

He sighed as he thought.

“No.”

“You don’t like to kill?”

“Oh, I have killed for less. Anything to keep order. However, I would have killed those I found in your bed. You would have watched and learned your lesson.”

“What lesson is that?”

“To appreciate what you have been given. A lesson I see you have no yet learned.”

I sat up taller as he moved forward to grab his plate of food. He started slowly eating it as I watched.

“I asked you here to eat.”

“Don’t tell me that you have concern for me, General.”

“None. I just know that you’re useful. That and I don’t feel like facing the wrath of Supreme Leader because you die of starvation.”

“Tell me about you and I will eat.”

He motioned towards my plate with an amused look on his face.

“I am the son of Brendol Hux.”

“The Empire Hux?”

“Yes. One in the same. He had a wife of significant power but decided to have an affair with a kitchen worker. She is my mother.”

I took a bite of my food, chewing it slowly. I had heard of his father. He was a ruthless evil man who killed whoever he could get his hands on.

“I was swept away and treated like the pariah he believed I was. He never thought I would reach the power that I have.”

“I heard he died.”

He laughed out, making me pause. I watched him compose himself as he pushed his hair back, not that any of it was out of place.

“I had him killed.”

“You had your father killed?”

“Yes. And now I am here. And your plate is empty.”

I looked down and frown. I hadn’t realized I had been that hungry. I gently set the plate down and took a drink of the water on the table. After I set it down I realized he was still looking at me.

“What are you thinking about?”

“I hope the food you just gave me is poisoned.”

“Why is that?”

I sat back in the chair and looked him dead in the eyes.

“The pain of dying by poisoned food is nothing compared to the pain that Kylo Ren is going to put me through. He wants me to break and he will do anything in his power to make that happen. We both know that. We both know that death is a much kinder fate than the one I have here as his slave.”

“I thought Jedi don’t fear pain.”

“I don’t fear the pain, General. I fear the darkness inside of him. I’ve never seen it like that before.”

“So you fear the dark.”

“No. The force is everything. It is dark and light. It all winds together and balances each other. I don’t fear the dark. I fear the absence of light in his heart.”

“If it is to be balanced, then wouldn’t you be that balance?”

“There is no balancing that kind of darkness, General. That kind of darkness has one goal and it’s to kill anything in front of it.”

I stood up and bowed forward every so slightly. He took notice and squint his eyes.

“Thank you for the food and company, General. I appreciate your hospitality.”

“The trooper is waiting outside for you. He will escort you back to your chambers.”

“You mean Kylo Ren’s chambers.”

He smirked at me and motioned for me to go. As soon as the doors opened I was greeted by my babysitter.

“You stood here that whole time?”

“It’s my job. Kylo Ren just landed.”

I felt my stomach drop and instantly regret eating anything. I walked with the trooper back to the chambers, trying not to let my body shake. It had been both too long and not long enough since I had seen my captor. I entered the chambers and dropped to my knees, waiting for the oncoming storm to hit me.


	4. Finding The Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This section is a little rough. I know that I have general warnings on this, but coming from someone who has faced trauma.. please don't read at least the first section if it's going to bother you. If you do decide to read it and need to talk, don't hesitate to reach out to me.

I tried to calm my mind as I waited for Kylo Ren to come to me. I was facing the door and anticipating it to just explode instead of open. When it finally did open I jumped at the sound. He entered the room without acknowledging me at all. He locked the door behind him and walked over to the chair just a few feet away from me. My breathing was shaking as I tried to keep it steady.

“I received reports that you refused to eat.”

“Yes, Master.”

“Do you not trust me?”

“I- I was afraid you poisoned the food.”

“You think I would do that and not be here to see it?”

“I- I thought there were cameras where you were watching me.”

“You aren’t that important.” He snapped.

“Yes, master.”

“Come here.”

I stood up quickly and walked over to him, standing directly in front of him. He reached his hand out and used the force to push me back on my knees. I kept my eyes glued to the ground between his feet.

“You went to Huxs chambers.”

“Yes, Master.”

“You ate there.”

“Yes, master.”

“So you will eat for him but you refuse the kindness I give you.”

“I-“

He sat up quickly and used the back of his hand to strike me across the face. I gasped out not expecting him to physically hit me. I kept my head down as I tasted blood in my mouth.

“What was the second lesson I taught you, slave girl.”

He roughly grabbed my chin, forcing me to look at him. It stung, making tears fall from my eyes.

“I have nothing unless you give it to me.”

“Did I give you your food in his chambers?”

“No, Master.”

“Have you learned your lesson?”

“I- Uh- I”

“No. You haven’t. How do you think I should teach you this lesson?”

I shook my head no as my body shook uncontrollably. The strong smell of leather from his gloves was making my stomach churn. I shut my eyes tightly, forcing more tears down my face.

“Look at you, Aurora. So weak. So afraid. I can hear your mind screaming and begging for it to stop. You just want me away from you. You want me to let you waste away to nothing.”

I nodded while his gloved fingers still roughly held my chin.

“You have to make this up to me though. You have to pay or you’ll never learn your lesson.”

A sob escaped my lips before I could stop it. It felt like I was drooling but when his other hand wiped my lips, I saw that I was blood.

“So weak. Bleeding from just a small amount of force. It would be so easy to rip you to pieces.”

“Th-then just do it. Just kill me.”

“No. But you will pay for not accepting my kindness.”

He paused for a moment before roughing shoving two of his fingers into my mouth and down my throat. I gagged and wretched as I tried to keep myself from vomiting. I tried to pulled away but his other hand gripped the back of my head to stop me. He removed his fingers just as all the food I had eaten came back up. I coughed and sobbed as the vomit burned the cut inside my mouth. The taste of leather made it worse as I continued to throw up.

I looked up at him once I was done and saw that he was watching me. My whole body was shaking and I wanted nothing more than to get the taste of blood and leather out of my mouth. I moved back so I was kneeling and tried to compose myself.

“Have you learned your lesson this time?”

“Yes, Master Ren.”

“Good. Now go shower. I am not sleeping next to someone who smells like bile.”

“You.. You’re..”

“Yes. These are my chambers. Now go.”

I scurried away to the bathroom, glad that I was given the chance to clean myself up. I would have felt better if I wasn’t worried about the fact that I was going to be sleeping next to the most vile creature I had ever met.

* * *

 

I quickly cleaned myself up and redressed. I walked back into the room and saw that he was sitting on the edge of the bed facing me.

“Where- where would you like me to sleep, Master Ren?”

“Where do you normally sleep?”

“In the bed.”

“Then obviously you will sleep there.”

“Do I need- Will I be required to- Is that part of-“

“You are to do as I wish, though that is something I will not force you to do.”

“Would- would it make you happy to do that?”

“Stop overthinking everything and get in bed. I haven’t slept in far too long.”

“I don’t think I’ve seen you sleep at all.”

I walked past him and to the other side of the bed where I slipped into bed. I pushed my legs under the blanket, careful not to disturb his half of the bed. I looked up at the ceiling as I felt him moving around. I looked over at him as he stood and pulled his cowl off. He was down to a t-shirt quickly and pulled his pants down. I held my breath until I realized he had shorts on. He sat back down and I heard his helmet hiss. He pulled it off his head, letting his black hair fall down to his shoulders.

“Your hair has gotten longer.” I whispered.

He turned and looked at me, causing my breath to catch in my chest. I shut my eyes as tears welled in them.

“You’re still looking for Ben.”

“It’s like a monster killed him and took his skin.” I whispered shakily.

“You can look at it that way. Either way, Ben is dead.”

“Is it so bad if I pretend like he’s still alive?”

“It’s just going to hurt more.”

“I thought you were in the business of hurting me.”

Tears were flowing down my face as I looked into his eyes. Those stupid fucking eyes. His stupid nose and strong jaw line. I tried pushing out the memories of when he used to kiss me. When Ben used to kiss me. I tried so hard to make myself forget.

“Pretend then. Pretend that it’s Ben staring back at you. It will just hurt you more. I’ll watch you crumble as you stare into the eyes of your enemy as you pretend like the person in front of you is the same one you fell in love with.”

He moved closer to me as tears streamed down my face. I was frozen in place as he moved across the bed.

“The idea of being touched scares you more than being killed.”

“I would gladly embrace death.” I whispered.

“You would rather no longer exist? Does the idea of my skin on yours repulse you that much?”

I turned my face away from his as he propped himself above me.

“It isn’t my job to get what I want, right? I only get what you want me to.”

“You’re learning. It’s more than that though, slave girl. You always imagined what it would be like, didn’t you? You thought and daydreamed about what it would feel like under Ben. You imagined it would be under the stars in the field. He would be gentle with you as he took you for the first time.”

“Please stop.”

“You dreamt of the passion between you two, did you? You imagined that you would be his forever. You would haven given it all up. You would have turned from the Jedi just to live forever with him. Aurora Solo.” He laughed.

“Stop.” I sobbed.

“You imagined what your children would look like. A little boy with dark hair and dark eyes. Just like your precious Ben. A daughter with white hair and eyes that shined like the stars in the sky. Anakin and Padme. Just like Bens grandparents.”

“Stop!”

“That dream could still happen though.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“All I ask is for obedience.”

“What?”

“You could be swollen with my heirs. My empress. My wife.”

“What? No!”

“Is that so bad? It’s the same body you dreamt of.”

“You’re a monster!”

“Yes. I am. A monster that you just told all your weaknesses to.”

“Just fucking kill me!”

“Oh, no little slave girl. I have so many plans for you and none of them involve letting you off that easily. Not only do I get what I want but I get to destroy you in the process.”

I locked my jaw, not wanting to beg anymore.

_Just do it then. Get it over with._

“Oh, not tonight. I don’t know when I’ll take what I want but I do know that you’ll be begging me for it before it happens. You’re going to give into me. You’re going to give me my heirs and be my willing wife. I know you don’t see it yet.”

“I’ll never see it! I’ll never give in!”

He moved so his mouth was right by my ear.

“I can see the future, Aurora. I see it all.” He whispered.

A shiver slammed down my spine as I shuttered. He chuckled in my ear before moving next to me.

“Goodnight, my queen.” He sneered.

I sobbed out as I rolled away from him. I hated him and I told myself over and over again that I would never give the monster next to me what he wanted.

* * *

 

I tried desperately to sleep for hours. Every time my eyes would start to get heavy, the monster in my bed would move. I glared at him as I tried to figure out if he was doing it on purpose. I had never even seen the asshole sleep but apparently telling me that he would not only taint my body but make me beg for it lulled him right to sleep.

I thought he was absolutely ridiculous. There was no way in hell I would ever beg for him to touch me. The only thing I would beg him for was the sweet embrace of death. I knew it made me sound weak to beg for it, but I didn’t trust him. I knew he was going to do nothing but cause me pain.

“Your thoughts are so loud.”

I jumped when I realized he was looking at me from his side of the bed. He was laying on his side with his right hand under his head. His raven hair was messier than normal, and his eyes were still glossy from sleep. I looked back up at the ceiling trying not to let his appearance get to me.

“I wonder if you would still hate me if I pretended to be your precious Ben.”

“Ben is dead, you said so yourself.”

“Would pretending help you?”

“Don’t torment me.”

He chuckled and reached forward, pulling my face back towards him.

“What is it that you want to hear?”

I glared at him as I tried to clear my mind. I wanted nothing to do with him or giving him any ideas. I flinched when his hand moved up and started running his fingers through my hair.

“I will say, you are still beautiful even without the hair.”

“Shut up.”

His hand gripped my hair and yanked, making me gasp out.

“Mind your mouth, slave girl.”

“Don’t mock me, Kylo Ren.”

He yanked harder, pulling my face close to his.

“I thought you were to call me Master.”

“And what happens if I don’t? You hit me again? Make me throw up? Maybe you’ll finally snap and kill me.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. The pain doesn’t bother you. I have a sneaking suspicion it actually spurs you on. There’s no way that you could have survived that torture if it didn’t.”

“You’re right. Pain means nothing to me.”

“No. It means something. I think it makes you feel alive.”

“You know nothing.”

“I know what that feels like. To use the pain to move forward. Weakness, if properly manipulated, can be strength.”

“You sound like Snoke.”

“He is wise.”

“He’s a bigger monster than you are.”

“Are you saying I’m wrong?”

“Ye-“

I screamed out when he yanked back on my hair. His hands were knotted in enough that there was no getting away from him. He moved forward so his lips were just a fraction away from mine.

“Your eyes are telling the true story, slave girl. The pain doesn’t just make you feel alive but it makes you feel controlled. You love this.” He whispered.

“No.”

He yanked again.

“No? What is that breathless moan coming from your lips then?”

“Let me go.”

“Give in to what you actually want.”

“Let. Me. Go.”

He chuckled and dropped his hand from my hair. He flopped back onto the bed and pulled the blanket back across him.

“Why do you even want me? I thought Sith don’t waste their time with carnal relations.”

“I’m not a Sith.”

“You use the dark side.”

“There is a difference between the dark side and the Sith, Aurora. I thought you paid attention at the temple.”

“You know I did.”

“Then you know that the Empire was run by Siths. They had flaws though. They were far too devoted to their ideals and the past. It set restrictions and weakness.”

“And you’re without flaws?”

“Absolutely.”

I rolled my eyes and huffed out a sigh.

“To answer your question, I don’t want you. I don’t lie awake at night and fantasize about your body.”

“Then why?”

He looked at me and gave me a feral smile.

“I want to break you. It’s already begun, but I know that the moment you realize you want me and beg me to take you, you’ll be destroyed.”

“You have not started to break me.”

He propped himself up on his side and looked into my eyes.

“Why do you want me to kill you.”

“I want to be free.”

“Why not ask to be freed then? The Resistance is still out there.”

“They don’t even know I’m alive.”

“So that equates to you begging for death?”

I looked away from him instead of answering.

“Why not try to kill me? Instead of facing your captor you beg for death.”

“I’m not strong enough to kill you. I wasn’t even before you put these stupid cuffs on me.”

“So, you would rather die than even try to take out your enemy?”

I stayed facing away from him when his hands shot up and grabbed my wrists. I jumped at the sudden movement. He grinned at me as the cuffs fell from my skin. I was hit by the overwhelming feeling of the force and it made it hard to breathe. I shut my eyes and balled my hands into fists.

“What’s your excuse now, slave girl?”

“Shut up.”

“No. Face me. You have every advantage that I do right now.”

“You have years more of training than I do. You took in the darkness and we both know how powerful that can be.”

“So you’re saying the dark side is more powerful.”

“No! That isn’t-“

“Then how is it that you aren’t my equal?”

“I’ve never been your damn equal.”

“Says who?” he laughed.

“Says you! You’ve been saying it since the moment you met me! You always reminded me time and time again that I would NEVER be able to best you at ANYTHING that I could ever do. Your stupid prince like attitude has always made you think you’re better than everyone else but you AREN’T. You had to KILL EVERYONE to get the upper hand!”

He smirked at me.

“Are you finished?”

“No!”

I jumped off the bed and glared at him. My chest was heaving between the anger and the force racing through me.

“You killed everyone in the temple because you were a spoiled brat! You didn’t get your way so you had to burn the whole thing down? Did you stub your toe? Was your dinner not warm enough for you?”

He got up and started walking towards me, like he was stalking his prey. Instead of shying away I stood my ground. The closer he got the angrier I became.

“Ask what you really want to ask, Aurora.”

“Why- Why didn’t you kill me!?”

“Do you really want to know?”

“It’s not that hard of a question to answer! Why the HELL are you making me suffer like that!”

“Ben is weak.”

“You keep saying that, but what does it even mean!”

He closed the distance between us quickly and put his hands on each side of my head. He looked me in the eyes as I started seeing what he was putting in my mind.


	5. The One He Couldn't Kill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben/Kylo is in italics. Bold is Snoke. Just in case it isn't super obvious :)

_I heard something behind me, but didn’t want to move. I had trained hard with Aurora earlier then spent most of the night with her in the field. It was becoming increasingly hard to see her as just a training partner. I knew it was against the code, but I was falling for the little slave girl. Though, she would kill me if she heard me call her that._

_She was radiant as she worked. The force didn’t speak to her as easily as it did to me, but where she lacked natural talent she made up for with determination. Even once I was tired and wanting to end for the day, she was still ready to fight. It didn’t matter how many times I sent her across the room or took her down by reading her thoughts, she fought back and stood up. Over and over, she proved me wrong that she was nothing more than a slave._

_I thought that Uncle Luke was seeing how I saw her, but I just ignored it. I felt so much possession and passion for her. I knew it was wrong but when she smiled.. there was nothing else that truly mattered. I had heard of love and beauty in the books I had read, but nothing compared to that feeling. She took my breath away and gave me life all at the same time. Even If it meant I were damned to never be a Jedi, I couldn’t forget the way she made my heart race just by existing._

_I finally opened my eyes and turned. My heart lept in my chest as I saw Master Skywalker, my own blood, holding his sabre out staring at me. His eyes held pain and fear. He was going to kill me. As soon as he retracted his sabre, I called for mine. I knew he was faster than I, so I pulled the whole building down on the two of us. He screamed out for me to stop, but it was too late._

_I had been betrayed._

_For most of my life I could hear a voice calling to me. It told me that I was so much more than what the Jedi wanted me to be. Passion could made me stronger. Strength meant power. Power meant that I could defeat anyone that came in my way. It also told me not to trust anyone. Not even Luke._

_The voice was right._

_It was like a switch had flipped inside of me. I had never felt rage like that before. I had been betrayed by the one person who was supposed to understand me. My mother and father feared me. They feared the power that I could wield. They feared the person that I could become. They always whispered of Anakin and the dark side but always told me it would be okay._

_“Uncle Luke will know how to help you, Ben.”_

_Lies. All of it were lies._

_I stalked towards the academy, feeling nothing but pain and anger. The physical pain I felt after pulling myself from the rubble of my hut was just spurring me on. I was hurting because of those I loved. Love was pointless, and I would never let it hurt me again._

_I used the force to slam the doors open as I walked with my drawn sabre. I barely noticed as I sliced it through all the children and young Jedi. A small voice in my head told me that I should stop. I needed to listen and breathe before I did something I could regret._

**_No, my boy. Let the pain spur you on. He lied. I told you he would lie. Finish your task, then come to me._ **

_The voice was right. He lied. He tried to kill me. Everyone in that place was the enemy. They all would try to kill me if given the chance. Everyone needed to die._

_I don’t know how long it took me to wipe everyone out, but I was breathless and drenched in sweat by the time I was done. The building was on fire, but I was in no hurry to get out. My rage wasn’t gone. It didn’t matter how many I killed, it was just getting worse. I needed it to stop. I needed to stop the pain._

_I heard footsteps slamming across the floor towards the great hall._

_I knew those footsteps._

**_Those footsteps are those of the enemy. Kill them. Kill them now and complete your goal. Come to me._ **

_I stalked forward as the footsteps got closer. I heard them start to slow as the person listened to their surroundings. Smart. Unlike the small ones who ran to me for help. They were easy._

_I pulled my blade in and waited. I felt like a predator stalking my prey. I needed them to turn the corner so I could end it. I needed it to end. I needed the pain to go away so I could get clear again._

_The foot steps got quieter as I moved closer. We were moving right to each other. I saw the white hair before I saw the face._

_“Ben. Oh my gods, what happened?”_

_Ben._

_I looked back at the scene behind me. I saw what she was seeing. Her friends and those she trained with were dead. All of them. I heard a sob escape her lips as she brought her hand to her mouth._

**_Her guard is down, child. Take her out now. You are no longer Ben. Ben is dead._ **

_I turned to look back at her fully._

_“Ben, we need to get out of here. We need to go find Master Skywalker.”_

_I felt the rage hit me with an intensity like no other. He had tried to kill me. Everything that I thought I was to Aurora didn’t matter. She would always follow the false Jedi. She would never truly be on my side._

**_That’s it. Remember that pain. She needs to die._ **

_“Ben? Ben are you hurt? What- What happened?”_

_I ignited my blade as tears stung my eyes. How could she feign caring about me? How could she pretend to love me for so long?_

_“Has it always been a lie?”_

_She stepped towards me with her hand reaching for me. I took a step back, not trusting her very breath let along letting her touch me._

_“Ben, is what a lie?”_

_“You said you loved me!”_

_“I do. I do love you.”_

_“Your precious Master Skywalker turned you against me.”_

_“He cares about us! Both of us!”_

_“Us?! He knows nothing of what we really are.”_

_“You don’t think he saw that? He knew we snuck off. He knew that we wanted more than this. He wants to help us be strong, so we can choose our own path.”_

_“You think he can help us? Help me? He isn’t strong enough.”_

_“Ben, all I want is your love.”_

_“Love won’t save you. Love didn’t save me from the lies all around me!”_

_She took another step forward, making me step back._

**_END THIS NOW!_ **

_“Come away with me. We can just run away. It’s not too late. Everyone will think that we died within these walls.”_

_“I’m not running away anymore. You have lied to me just as my dear uncle did.”_

_“I have never lied to you, Ben. Master Skywalker didn’t lie either. Whatever happened, there has to be a reason, there has-“_

_“I don’t want to hear his name anymore! The master Jedi turned against me. And now I see you’re turning against me too.”_

_“What happened to you? It’s like I don’t even know you anymore. Ben, you’re breaking my heart! I will never be able to stop loving you but this path- I can’t follow this path. Ben, did you kill all these people?”_

_“Because of Luke? Does he have you that brainwashed? I thought you were more than a slave girl that listened to orders!”_

_“No! Because of what you’ve done! What else do you plan to do? Stop this. Stop now. Come back to me! I love you, Ben. Please.”_

**_Lies. Lies to placate you and make you fall in line. She will drive a sabre through your chest the first chance she’s given._ **

_“He’s turned you against me. Now you use your love to blind me. He can’t take you away from me. THAT ISN’T HIS CHOICE!”_

_“He didn’t do anything! You’re doing it all yourself!”_

**_Drive your blade through her chest. Now. Be done with it. The pain will go away if her betrayal is taken care of._ **

_I stepped forward as the girl stepped back. She wasn’t Aurora anymore. She was the enemy. She needed to die for betraying me. Tears streamed down my face as determination set in. The voice was right. She needed to die._

_I ignited my blade and thrust forward._

_I was slammed with the memory of us laying in the field, just a few hours before. She had kissed me and talked about running away together. She wanted to start a new life. She wanted us to be able to be together, no matter what that meant._

_I hesitated._

_Instead of slamming the sabre into her chest, I moved ever so slightly over and down. It hit her, but I knew it wouldn’t kill her. Not right away at least. She screamed out in pain as I pulled the blade away and watched her fall to the ground._

**_Weak. You are weak. You couldn’t even kill her. Bring her. She will be your punishment for your weakness. Come to me. Now._ **

_She was moaning in pain on the ground as I stood over her. I scooped her up, causing her to scream out. The room ignited in flames as I ran out of the building with her. I ran to my ship and dropped her to the floor gently._

_“Ben.”_

_I turned around to see a few of the older boys behind me. They were good during training but always seemed a bit lost._

_“We heard him too.”_

_“How long?”_

_“For as long as we can remember.”_

_“Get on the ship.”_

_They climbed on and looked at the girl laying on the ground. One of them checked out her wound and looked up at me._

_She was fading._

**_Keep her alive._ **

_I sent the ship up into the air as coordinates popped into my head. It was close, but I wasn’t sure it was close enough to keep her breathing. I wasn’t even sure if that was what I really wanted. Just looking at her face made the pain so much worse._

* * *

 

_I got off the ship first, holding Aurora in my arms. Her breathing was shallow, and her moaning had stopped. Her face was paler than normal, though I never knew that was possible. Her hair was stained with her blood. I wanted to cut it off just to get the blood out. I hated it. I hated what I had done to her._

_“Come this way. Med bay is across the ship. Supreme Leader Snoke instructed me to lead you there.”_

_“We need to hurry. She doesn’t have much longer.”_

_The storm trooper took off running and I followed. My heart was pounding in my chest as I felt her very breath stop. She was gone. I could feel it the moment she fell away from me. As soon as I burst into the med bay, she was taken from me. They tossed her down on the table and the droids went to work._

_I stood by, panic setting in. They ripped her clothes off her, making my cheeks blush. She looked so peaceful. The droids shocked her as blood was hooked into her. Another was working on fixing where my blade had gone through her._

_I wanted to scream. Another shock. Her body lift off the table. I wanted them to save her just as much as I wanted her to stay asleep._

_Dead._

_Not asleep. She was dead._

_“Sir, I need you to leave.”_

**_No. You will stay. Let this memory burn into your mind. This is your fault. She suffered because of you. She suffered in life and now she suffers in death._ **

_“I- I will be staying.”_

_I watched as she was shocked again. This time she sucked in a long, ragged breath. It was at that moment my breath started again too. The droids were almost done patching her skin. It was black and crude, but she wasn’t bleeding anymore._

_“She’s alive.”_

_“Yes, sir.”_

_“What now?”_

_I finally looked at the frail nurse. She was holding onto a data pad, looking at the vitals._

_“She needs more blood. A-and rest. Her heart is pumping but she will need to be on machines. I-I might even put her into a stasis for a while. I think it would h-help her heal.”_

_“Do whatever it takes. Keep her alive.”_

_“Y-yes sir.”_

**_Your compassion for this girl is dangerous. Come to me._ **

_I walked forward as a few droids beeped at me. I ignored them and touched my hands to her face. She was cold and clammy. She was always so warm. Her eyes fluttered open as she looked straight ahead. It took her a few seconds, but she finally focused on my face._

_“Ben.”_

_“I- I’m here.”_

_“You saved me. The building was on fire.”_

_“That’s all you remember?”_

_“Of course. You saved me. You have always saved me.”_

_Guilt and regret was written all over my face. She didn’t remember any of it. She didn’t remember my actions. It was almost as if they didn’t happen._

**_They happened, child. You have slaughtered children and those who accepted you. You did this to her. Her lapse in memory doesn’t change the past._ **

_“You need to get rest, Aurora.”_

_“Okay. I’ll get better soon so we can train. I promised you that I would win before I ever gave up.”_

_I stayed silent as a soft smile washed across her face._

_“Stop worrying so much, Ben. It’s not like I died. I’m gonna be okay. Besides, there is no death, there is the force.”_

_She shut her eyes and winced in pain. She grit her teeth, trying to hide how much pain she was in. I had only been grazed by a light sabre when I couldn’t stand and I had impaled her._

_“Sir, w-we need to let her rest.”_

_“Very well.”_

_I walked away, heading face first into the path that I had chosen in a fit of rage. I walked away from the woman I had always loved. I walked away from the first person I had ever seen a future with. Away from the person who understood me more than anyone else._

_From the person I had tried to kill._

**_The first person you ever FAILED to kill._ **


	6. You Do Bleed

I snapped back to reality with a pained scream. Even though I couldn’t remember my side of the story, my body was suddenly on fire. It felt like I was feeling the sabre go through me all over again. Kylo stayed holding onto each side of my face as I tried to snap out of the delirium.

“Let me go.”

“No.”

“Let me go!”

“You are the slave girl, I am the Master. You don’t get to tell me what to do.”

“Let me GO!”

As I screamed out the words, I sent out a pulse of the force. It knocked him back a few feet and we both instantly went into a defensive stance. My chest was heaving as his eyes were gleaming.

“I thought you said you weren’t powerful.”

“Is it impossible for you to shut the hell up!?”

He laughed out as his hand shot towards me, sending me flying backwards into the wall. I heard the wall creak from the force before I slammed to the ground. He cackled out and stood back up straight. He didn’t see me as a threat. He had never seen me as one. I stood up quickly, unwilling to let him win so easily.

“Not sure why you’re so mad at me, Aurora. It wasn’t ME that hurt you.”

“Shut up.”

He laughed and crossed his arms behind his back.

“No.”

“Why didn’t you just kill me. Why put me through all of that?”

“Ben Solo hurt you, Aurora. The _boy_ you thought so highly of. HE is the reason you are here and HE is the reason you’re feeling so much pain right now.”

“You are Ben Solo.”

“We both know that isn’t true. Tell me one time that I, your _evil_ dark side captor, have ever put you through that kind of pain.”

I shook my head and shut my eyes. I needed time to think. I needed him to shut up and to stop provoking me. I needed space and instead I felt cornered. I opened my eyes just in time for him to start stepping forward.

“You don’t need space. You need to listen to what I’m telling you.”

“Get out of my head.”

“Stop screaming your thoughts.”

I felt out of control, like a caged animal. I looked over at the bracelets and considered putting them back on if there was even a slight chance of getting clarity. I took one step forward, but he matched me before I was even done moving.

“Don’t even think about it.”

“I said get out of my head!”

I glared at him and fantasized about driving anything sharp through his face. I wanted to rip him to shreds and burn the pieces. I **_hated_** his very existence. I **_resented_** the fact that he was breathing and so many people I cared about were dead. I realized that Ben was dead, at least the Ben I remembered. There stood the most vile creature I had ever met and I felt like I was going to explode if I couldn’t hurt him the way he had hurt me.

“That’s it. Use the hate. Let the pain make you feel, Aurora. Remember all the pain and humiliation you have suffered because of Ben Solo. Remember it and own it. That is your pain and it’s either going to kill you or make you stronger than you ever have been.”

“I said STAY OUT OF MY HEAD!!.”

As I screamed out, I felt a burning sensation through my body. I felt heat all around my body as blue streams of electricity shot out of my fingertips. The way my hands were angled, some of it shot right at Kylo. He put his hand up quickly, deflecting most of it and sending it right back into my face. I screamed out when it hit me and dropped to my knees. I brought my hands up to my face and felt the moisture from the cuts.

“How did I do that?”

“You let the anger win. You chose power instead of death.”

I looked up at him and smiled at the two small cuts on his cheek. My body was shaking but even as inexperienced as I was, I was still able to harm him.

“What is so funny?”

“You lied. You do bleed.”

He reached up and touched his face then looked at the blood on his fingers. He looked back at me and stalked forward, bringing the back of his hand across my face hard enough to knock me onto the floor. I laughed hysterically at the fact that I had actually hurt him. I looked back up just in time to see his fist connect with my face. Then, everything went black.

* * *

The first thing I remember is agonizing pain right between my eyes. I groaned and immediately regret making any noise at all. My head was pounding and even the soft sound of my breath was agonizing. The lights were off so I slowly opened my eyes.

“For someone who is always begging for death, you sure have a knack for staying alive.”

“General Hux. For someone who claims to be so ruthless you sure have a knack for checking in on me.”

I looked over at the red head standing near the doorway. He let out a soft laugh as he stepped towards me.

“You sustained a broken nose and a fractured orbital socket.”

“Funny, I was just thinking it felt like someone bashed my face in.”

“What did you do to force a temper tantrum out of the Commander?”

I laughed and gently touched my face. I could feel how swollen it was along with all the small cuts from the bolts Kylo sent back into my face.

“Like it takes much to provoke that.”

“You have a point. Last time I checked he didn’t have the power of force lightening.”

“He doesn’t. It was my own doing, I guess. I wasn’t playing into his games, so he kept pushing until I finally broke.”

I gently pulled myself up so I was sitting. I pulled my legs in so I could lean forward onto them. I looked around and realized that I must have been in the med bay.

“You had no idea you were capable of that?”

“It isn’t something the Jedi use. At least not that I’ve known of. Much more a Sith trait.”

“Do you know much of the Sith?”

“No. I didn’t know what the force even was until Master Skywalker bought me from my slave master. He feared the dark, just as much as those before him did. We never had much access to the ways of the Sith.”

“I find it odd that you wouldn’t learn of your enemy.”

“It’s not like your training. It isn’t like anything else in the universe. Balance isn’t easy and for one person to find the balance between the light and dark is far from easy.”

“War never is.”

“You’re still not understanding, but that’s okay. I don’t understand your war just as much as you don’t understand what you can’t feel.”

He nodded and studied my face.

“Does it look that bad?”

“Depends on how vain you are about your appearance.”

I laughed and shook my head. When I did, I realized that my hair felt odd. I reached up and realized that they had cut my hair until it was about an inch long. I traced up and felt a healing cut across my scalp that started on my temple and ran up.

“At least he won’t be able to yank my hair for a while.”

I smirked up at Hux, expecting him to laugh. He had a stern look on is face as he continued to study me.

“I would suggest you mind him more. He could have killed you.”

“Why does it matter? Not like any of you ACTUALLY care about me.”

“You’re right. I think you could be valuable though. As does Supreme Leader.”

“I’m just a power play, General. I don’t mean anything.”

He hummed but I wasn’t sure if it was in agreement or he was thinking. I could feel that he was hesitant about something, but I had always been rubbish at figuring out what people were thinking. I wasn’t very strong with that side of the force. I looked down at my wrists and saw that the cuffs were still off.

“Your assigned trooper will be here shortly to escort you back to your chambers.”

“Thank you, General.”

He paused but eventually turned and left the area. I wanted to ask him what he wanted to say, but the last time I talked to him in depth I had paid for it. Normally I would have done it regardless, but I was exhausted. Between the pain and the sudden and overwhelming thrust back into the force I wanted nothing more than to go to sleep.

“Aurora.”

“FN2187. Still on babysitting duty?”

“Uh. Yeah. Listen I need to get you back to your chambers. Are you okay to walk?”

I nodded and stood up. He walked with me down the hallway, but I was barely paying attention. The ground felt wrong. I could feel the force around me, but I missed feeling the real ground under my feet. It was something about connecting with the ground that made me feel alive.

“We’re here.”

The trooper grabbed my arm and pulled me gently into the room. The room looked the same but someone had cleaned up the damage I had created. I walked over to the chair and sat down. FN 2187 was pacing around the room.

“FN-“

“Did he do that to you?”

“What?”

“Did Commander-“

He moved closer to me and pulled his helmet off. I was surprised to see him under the helmet, but it hit home just how human he was. He knelt down in front of me and looked at my face.

“Did Kylo Ren do that to you.”

“Only part of it. I- What is your name?”

“What?”

“What is your name? You’re human.”

“FN-2187 is the only name that they ever gave me.”

“Oh.”

“Aurora. Your face.”

I shook my head.

“The broken nose and orbital socket was Kylo. The rest was me. Apparently I can shoot lightning out of my hands. Guess I’m more of a Sith than I thought.”

“Wait, you’re force sensitive?”

“Of course I am. How did you- Oh.”

“Oh?”

“I had the cuffs on. You wouldn’t have known that I was force sensitive.”

“Does he always hurt you like that? I know he has a temper but I didn’t think-“

“I’m probably safer than anyone else here. I have a purpose I guess.”

He nodded and looked at my face again.

“Look, Aurora, I have to stand guard outside. Please don’t let him know that I-“

“You did nothing wrong. You’re charged with watching over me. Thank you.”

“Yeah. Just- let me know if you need anything yeah? I was told to check in every hour by General Hux.”

“I’ll be here.”

He stood up and went to slip his helmet on.

“May I call you Fin?”

“What?”

“Fin. It sounds like FN. You’re a human. You deserve a name.”

“I- yeah. I like that. Thanks.”

I smiled at him and got up to go lay down. I was exhausted and knew I needed to sleep to try to heal up. I had a lot of questions but none of them would be answered unless they wanted them to. I curled up in bed and quickly fell asleep.

* * *

I felt Kylo come in so I opened my eyes. I sat up and looked across the dim room. He walked over to the bed and spiked his helmet off the ground.

“Bad mission?”

“No. About to go on one.”

“Why are you angry then.”

“I wanted you to go with me. Supreme Leader Snoke has decided you will stay here.”

“So you’re throwing a temper tantrum?”

He turned to look at me. He looked furious.

“You’re mine.”

“I will _never_ agree to that, Master Ren.”

“Yet you call me Master?”

“I- I hate you for everything you’ve done to me. I hate the torture you put me through. I hate that you didn’t just let me die or kill me. Just one split second decision would have ended it all.”

“Don’t you see your own potential?”

“I don’t care. How many people died in that temple? How many people have you killed since then? How many of my friends did you slaughter or stand by and let the troopers do it?”

“You don’t actually want to know the answers to that.”

“No. I don’t. It drives me mad thinking about it.”

“Then let it all go. All of it. The past is over.”

“No because the past has made me who I am. I don’t know how much time I lost but-“

“Years.”

I looked at him and felt my body go cold. I must have misheard him because there was no way.

“You didn’t mishear me, Aurora.”

His voice was somber as he sat down on the bed.

“After you were brought here, and the droids stitched you back up, you were put in a stasis. It took a very long time for your body to heal fully. It didn’t hit any organs that couldn’t be repaired but it still would have been fatal. They had to heal the scar tissue first before they could fix it all.”

“Would I have died without that stasis?”

“Yes.”

I sighed in frustration. They spent a mass amount of time and effort to fix what he had done. So much effort to keep me alive.

“What then?”

“Once you came out and it was determined that you were going to thrive again, you were moved to the interrogation table.”

“So- so you kept me alive to torture me?”

“The First Order needed information.”

“Bullshit. How many people could you have taken.”

“We did. None of the had the answers we needed.”

I leaned against the headboard and gently rubbed my forehead. The throbbing was still there but his actions confused me. What information could I have been holding to warrant that kind of treatment.

“He really tried to kill you, didn’t he?”

“Yes.”

“I never knew he was capable of something like that.”

“He was.”

I sighed and looked at him. He was studying my face carefully.

“Did you have any idea that I would be able to shoot lightning out of my fingers?”

He chuckled and shook his head.

“I was hoping that you would be stronger holding onto the pain. You were always a piss poor Jedi.”

“Hey, you don’t really have room to talk.”

He laughed and genuinely smiled. I rolled my eyes at him and ran my hand across my short hair.

“How does it feel?”

“Short.”

I looked over at him and he was glaring.

“Not your hair, slave girl. Absolutely vain.”

“Says the man who wears a mask to hide his face.”

“Watch your tongue.”

I laughed and ran my fingers across my face.

“Not much more you could do here, Master Ren.”

“How does the dark side feel?”

“I don’t feel it.” I lied.

“You can’t lie to me. I can feel it. It is like a floodgate. Even your thoughts have changed.”

“Ben betrayed me.”

“Yes. He did. In the worst of ways.”

“I- I hate him. I hate him for betraying me and I hate him for being too weak to kill me.”

“Good. Now use that hate Aurora. I have had fun twisting you, but I would be much happier if you chose to be by my side.”

I shook my head no.

“We could rule the galaxy together. Like we were always meant to.”

“I would be giving up-“

“What? What would you be giving up. Master Skywalker? He didn’t even look for you. The Resistance? You really think they don’t have spies in the First Order? They know you’re alive. They just don’t care.”

I wasn’t sure that I believed him. I desperately wanted to tell him to shut up and stop lying. It all made sense though.

“You’ve seen the future, Aurora. You know you’re meant for greatness. It’s going to happen. Wouldn’t you rather it happen by your choice?”

I watched him get up and walk around the bed to where I was sitting. He sat in front of me and gently ran a gloved finger down the side of my face.

“You have a chance to take control over your destiny.”

“I- I can’t stay here just to be tortured by you.”

“It wouldn’t be that way. You’re meant to be my bride. My queen. That choice would change everything.”

“I- uhm. My head really hurts.”

He cupped the side of my face and gazed into my eyes. I felt incredibly uncomfortable between how light headed I was and the kind touch I was receiving.

“I’ll have a doctor come in and check on you.”

“Okay. When- when do you leave?”

“Right now.”

“Will Fi-FN 2187 be outside.”

His face hardened at my slip up. I cringed expecting to be hit but instead he leaned forward and gently kissed my forehead. I inhaled sharply as he did.

“FN-2187 will be going on mission with me. You will have someone waiting outside if you need anything. This mission should be quick. I hope you’ve made a decision by the time I see you again.”

I nodded as he got up and walked out. I shut my eyes desperately trying to work through everything he had just said to me. My heart ached almost as much as my head did. The doctor came in soon after and gave me a sedative to help me sleep along with some pain meds. I drifted off quickly and calmly.

* * *

_I was sitting alone in the corner of the room, away from everyone else. I had been at the temple for a while, but I still didn’t feel like I was part of it. I struggled to use the force. It didn’t come naturally, and I longed for a time when I had no idea it even existed._

_“Sitting alone again?”_

_I looked up to see Ben Solo standing in front of me. My face flushed at the fact that he was speaking to me._

_“Y-yes.”_

_“Why is that?”_

_He sat down next to me and looked out at all the other children._

_“I don’t belong here.”_

_“Who said that?”_

_“Me. I’m not as strong as even the youngest child. It’s a struggle. Everyone else just seems like it’s as easy as breathing.”_

_“They came from families that knew at a very young age about it.”_

_“Luke should have just left me where he found me.”_

_“Don’t say that. Things will be different here. You just need to decide that you want to be here.”_

_“I do I just- I probably sound like an ungrateful brat.”_

_He smirked at me._

_“Just a little. How about we start training together.”_

_“You? You would end the fight in the blink of an eye.”_

_“I promise not to take it easy on you if you promise never to give up.”_

_I looked at him and chewed the inside of my lip. Part of me wanted to jump on the idea but I also knew that he could have trained with anyone. I wasn’t the kind of person that deserved such an advanced partner._

_“Come on, Aurora. Things are going to be different here. Take control.”_

_“I’ve never been in control before.”_

_“Let’s change that. Make your own destiny. I’ll help you.”_

_He stood up and reached his hand out. I smiled as I looked into his gorgeous brown eyes and took his hand. He pulled me to my feet and put his arm around my shoulder as we walked._

_“We’re going to do great things, Aurora. I can see it now.”_


	7. The Enemy Of My Enemy..

I woke up and looked around, making sure I was still in Kylo’s chambers. My headache was gone but my face was sore. I walked over to the refresher and looked at myself in the mirror. I had looked like I fought something with very long claws and lost. I washed my face, hoping that it would bring some of the swelling down. After I took a shower and got dressed I suddenly felt like I wasn’t alone in my own mind.

**_Come to me, child. It is time that we talk._ **

Snoke. I felt a shiver run down my spine, but I stood up anyway. I walked to the door just as it opened for me to see General Hux.

“Aurora.”

“General.”

“Supr-“

“Wants to see me. I know. He told me.”

“Very well. I will be escorting you there.”

I walked out of the room and he matched my pace. Instead of leading me, he was walking with me. I noticed that I was getting strange looks, but no one said a word.

“I know you aren’t the one who sat outside my room all night.”

He smirked at me.

“And how do you know that?”

“There is no way you would have gone that long without annoying me.”

“You’re probably right. No. Commander Ren felt that you and FN-2187 were becoming too close so he brought him on mission. We had two troopers and a medical officer outside all night.”

“Wow. I must be some prisoner. Two guards and a doc. That’s impressive.”

“You’re quite the little shit, you know.”

I laughed and smiled at him. I instantly winced in pain from it aggravating my face but then gave him a weak smile. We stopped in front of giant doors that I remembered all too well.

“He is waiting for you.”

“You aren’t going with me?”

“No. I have things to do. I already took time out of my busy schedule to escort you.”

He nodded at me and continued to walk down the hallway. I looked back at the doorway and let out a sigh. I was nervous, but I knew damn well there was no telling Snoke anything but what he wanted. I stepped forward and the doors opened.

“Aurora! So glad to see you.”

He chuckled as he spoke. I walked forward and stopped where I knew Kylo did. I gently dropped to my knees and bowed my head.

“Supreme Leader Snoke.”

“I see your master has taught you well. Come closer to me.”

I stood up and walked forward. I was terrified, but I tried to hold myself up to show confidence. I stepped forward until right before the throne floor started to curve up.

“I have been hearing great things about you, child.”

“With all due respect, I find that hard to believe.”

“Why is that?”

“I’ve been rather obstinate. I think that’s the word Master Ren used.”

“Ah, it is. You are correct. You put up a hell of a fight though. Not many have even come close to scratching Kylo Ren’s skin.”

I felt my face flush as the memory of me laughing at his blood ran through my head.

“You have been eating?”

“Yes, Supreme Leader.”

“Sleeping?”

“Yes.”

“I also know that Kylo Ren asked you to choose to stay.”

“Y-yes he did.”

“What did you reply?”

I looked over at a computer type screen he had across the room. He motioned for me to go look at it while he waited for me to answer.

“I did not answer. I’m not sure what to say to him.”

“Why is that? Are you still holding onto hope?”

“I guess a little.”

I made it over to the screen and saw that it was showing an interrogation. I couldn’t hear what they were saying but I knew it was someone from the Resistance.

“That man will be brought in here shortly. He has some information I want you to hear. I want you to ask him what he knows about you. About what happened to a small girl with white hair that was living at the temple.”

“Why?”

“Truth is a wonderful thing, child.”

I looked at him and nodded. I walked back towards the middle of the room when he gestured for me to stand next to his throne. I felt a pulse of energy go through the room.

“That’s power, dear child. That’s what it feels like to be above everyone else.”

It was intoxicating. I tried to ignore it, but it just kept getting stronger. The door opened, and I saw General Hux walk through. His nose was held high and his hands behind his back. He looked incredibly sure of himself.

“That’s because he is.”

I felt a smirk cross my face and quickly removed it. I was standing there smiling with Snoke. The light was screaming in my head that he was the enemy. The dark was caressing my face and whispering how amazing it would feel to let go.

“Supreme Leader Snoke.”

“General Hux. You have brought someone to see myself and Kylo Ren’s guest.”

“Yes, I have.”

He stepped aside and let the storm troopers drop the bloodied man on the floor. He was shaking. I almost felt bad for him when I remembered what it was like to be dropped on that floor.

**_You at least had the guts to stand._ **

“My dear, would you be so kind as to ask this man a few questions?”

“Yes, Supreme Leader.”

I stepped forward and the man looked up at me.

“I didn’t even realize that you allowed women in your ranks.”

“You should mind her, rebel scum.” Hux snapped.

The man spit at my feet when I got closer. I felt a wave of rage run through me. After everything I had been through, this weak bleeding man had decided I was the enemy.

“What do you know of Aurora.”

“What?”

“What do you know of the white-haired girl that was at Luke Skywalkers temple.”

“The orphan? Yeah Aurora was her name. She’s dead.”

**_Don’t believe him. Ask again._ **

“I will ask again. What do you know of the white-haired girl?”

“I told you, First Order slave.”

My hand shot forward and I raised him up using the force. I could see Hux’s eyes widen at the sudden use.

**_Good!_ **

“Tell me what you know, or I will take it.”

He struggled to breathe as I squeezed down. He struggled for a few moments before finally nodding. I dropped him to the ground and waited for him to calm down.

“Last time. What do you know of her.”

“At first, we thought she was dead. We started to hear rumors that she was taken alive, but we couldn’t understand why we never saw her. Then Master Skywalker disappeared. He went into hiding and we just figured that she was dead.”

“Tell me more.”

“General Organa kept an eye out for information. We heard that she was still alive but that she was being held captive.”

“Why didn’t she come looking for her, then?”

“She would have had to risk the mission for her. There was no point.”

“No point?!”

**_That’s it. Feel it. Let it in. She abandoned you._ **

“She knew she was alive?”

“Y-yeah. There was no way that we could track First Order movements and try to find her. It just wasn’t smart warfare.”

“Smart warfare.”

I looked over at General Hux and he made eye contact with me.

“General Hux, if someone that you saw as family.. Someone you swore you loved more than life itself.. Someone that did everything to make you happy was taken.. would you abandon them?”

“If it meant the mission, yes.”

I looked back at the prisoner and walked forward. I knelt down in front of him.

“You hate him, right?”

“General Hux? Of course.”

“You think he is vile and inhumane.”

“Yes!”

“Your General, your **_princess_** , did the same that General Hux would do. What does that say about your precious rebellion?”

“Who are you?”

“My name is Aurora. I was taken in by Leia Organa and Luke Skywalker when I was saved from slavery. I lived in the temple until Kylo Ren took me. I have been alive this whole time. I was tortured and kept alive just to spite Leia. She wasn’t looking though, was she?”

**_Yes! Feel that rage, Aurora. Feel it run through your body!_ **

“Aurora?”

He looked at all the people around us then back at me.

“We can escape! I’ll get us out of here and take you back to Leia.”

“Why would I ever go back to someone that put a war before me.”

“What? No! She was devastated.”

“Devastated enough to let me suffer for a power play.”

I stood up and turned towards Snoke.

“I no longer wish to hear the lies this man is trying to spit in my face.”

He waved his fingers, signaling the troopers to remove the prisoner. He was screaming for me to look at him and help him. I felt nothing for the man.

“Aurora, excellent job. You did better than I ever could have expected. You will go with General Hux to his ship. You will have a few cycles to think about what we discussed. I hope you make the right decision.”

“Thank you, Supreme Leader.”

* * *

I had silently followed Hux to the transport ship we would be traveling in. I was still feeling so much rage deep in my chest. I had once seen Leia as the mother I never had. She had been kind and loving in situations where I was scared. She was the voice of reason when I wanted to run away. It had been her that encouraged Ben to help me. She had been the one who wanted me to go to the academy.

“Your fingers are sparking a bit.”

I looked down at my hands and flex my fingers. I looked across the ship at Hux who seemed incredibly calm. He had his data pad on his lap and barely was paying any attention to me.

“Sorry.”

“You’re fine. Just figured you didn’t realize it was happening.”

“It’s only the second time it has happened, honestly.”

He looked up at me and set the pad next to him. He studied my face as he thought.

“I’ve felt that kind of anger before.”

“Your father?”

He nodded and shift his body. He looked like he was trying to be nonchalant about the conversation.

“I had someone look out for me. He was incredibly powerful, and he saw the potential I had. It was something that my father never could see. I was never force sensitive. Didn’t even believe in it until I saw it firsthand.”

“Did he betray you?”

“No. He taught me a valuable lesson. Power comes in many forms. For you it’s all around you as the force. For me, it’s being able to control those under me.”

“So, you manipulate people the way that I manipulate the force.”

“In a way, yes. I learned in that instance that even if I were smaller and had less training, as long as I used my resources I had all the control I needed.”

“You think I should use the force lightening.”

“I think you would be a fool not to use the most powerful resources you have. You literally have the power at the tip of your fingers, but you resist it.”

“It isn’t all black and white.”

“It is, Aurora. It’s the difference between living and dying. Use the power or have someone else use it on you.”

I sighed and slumped slightly. I was exhausted. My brain felt like it was being torn apart.

“Leia and Luke showed me love when I didn’t even think it was possible.”

“Luke ran from his problems and Leia left you with the enemy to die.”

“Does that erase the past, though?”

“My dear, you are the only one who can decide that.”

He went back to his data pad as I let that run through my head. He was right. It didn’t matter what anyone else thought of the situation. I knew now that Leia had left me to die. Her mission was more important than me. I needed to figure out if that was something that I could live with or not.

* * *

I had spent the rest of the trip thinking and trying to stay awake. Once we landed, we both exited the ship. I wanted to look around my new surroundings, but my overwhelming need to sleep was winning out. I must have looked as exhausted as I felt because General Hux brought me straight to my chambers.

“You will share these with Ren, of course. It will be days until he returns. Your accommodations here will be a bit more luxurious.”

“Will I have a babysitter?”

“Not for now. You may ask anyone you pass for directions or for anything you need. They have all been instructed you are a guest and will be treated as such.”

“Thank you.”

“I would suggest getting some sleep. May help with your restless mind.”

“Thank you, General Hux.”

He nodded and left, letting the doors shut behind him. I listened, waiting for the door to lock, but the noise never happened. I walked over to the bed and plopped down. I was so tired that I didn’t even want to get under the covers, but it was cold in the room. I slipped under and curled up on my side, instantly feeling how heavy my eyelids were. Just as I was about to shut my eyes, I noticed a pile of books on the nightstand.

I propped myself back up and grabbed the top one. Laying on it was a hand-written note.

_To keep your mind busy -Kylo_

Even though it was barely even a gesture, it was probably the nicest thing he had done for me. I tried to tell myself that it was just a tactic to get me to trust him. I knew that I shouldn’t care. I should just push the books on the floor and ignore they existed. I put my hand up to push them, almost like a cat would, but I stopped.

Instead, I grabbed onto all of them and pulled them to me. It was the single kindest thing that had happened to me in the most recent part of my life. I had been abandoned by those I loved. Almost killed by the one person in the universe who should have protected me. I was left clutching books by the one who should have been my enemy.

I fell asleep, not wanting to think about how fucked up my life seemed.

* * *

The next two cycles were spent alternating between sleeping and reading. I kept getting headaches which I was sure from the concussion, but I so desperately missed reading. I kept the books open for as long as I could then promptly let myself fall asleep when it was too much. On the third cycle, I decided to venture out of the room.

After taking a shower, I got dressed and stepped into the hallway. I was surprised that the door was actually unlocked, but I was too busy taking in my surroundings to think about it much. I walked down the hallway and noticed the only thing different were the numbers on each room. It was incredibly organized and cold. It reminded me of Hux.

“May I help you?”

I looked over at a trooper standing guard in front of a doorway. I looked at the number on his chest and felt disappointed when it wasn’t Finn.

“I- uh actually I have no idea where I’m going.”

“What are you looking for?”

“Uhm, General Hux I guess. As long as he isn’t busy.”

“Follow the hallway down to the bridge. He will be there.”

“Thank you.”

He nodded once at me and went back to standing guard. The hallway was relatively bare of people. I wasn’t sure what time it was in the cycle, but I was guessing it was either incredibly late or very early. I followed the hallway down until I saw the bridge.

It was beautiful. All the materials were new and impeccably clean. There were two officers talking at one of the screens, but everyone else seemed absent. My eyes instantly landed on the red headed general standing with his arms crossed behinds his back.

He was standing up straight, but he still seemed exhausted. I wasn’t sure if I was getting to know him better or if that fact I didn’t have the force restrictors on was helping me read him better. I walked forward slowly, taking in everything around me.

“Good evening, Aurora.”

“And to you, General.”

He turned slightly towards me and motioned with his head for me to come forward. I moved so I was next to him, looking out at the stars around us.

“I always loved the stars. So much possibility out there.”

“So much to keep in order.” He mused.

I looked at him and frowned at the bags under his eyes. His crystal blue eyes were scanning the stars like he was waiting for something to happen.

“Be careful, Aurora. One may think you’re starting to worry about my wellbeing.”

“You need to sleep.” I said quietly.

He glanced over at me and sighed.

“There is too much to do. The purpose of the First Order is more important than getting a standard eight hours of sleep.”

“I know you won’t listen, but everyone needs sleep.”

He gave me a slight smile before he looked back out at the stars.

“Have you been able to process the bit of truth you were given?”

I sighed heavily and chewed on my bottom lip.

“To be honest, I’ve been avoiding it. I mean other than accepting it, how am I supposed to feel? Does it even matter?”

“Only you can decide that. You could use logic.”

“And what would the logical thought process be?”

“You were betrayed and now you have an opportunity to make them pay.”

“I’ll never be with enough power here to make Leia pay. I’m not even sure I could do it if given the chance.”

“My dear, there are more ways to make someone pay than to physically hurt them.”

“I guess you’re right. It would be going against everything that I have learned though.”

“Did they teach you to betray family just because it was less convenient?”

“No.”

“Then maybe everything they taught you was an archaic way of life that was snuffed out. The Jedi mean well but they believed they were too damn proud to do what needed to be done. They would throw away opportunities to get the advantage instead of using anything in front of them. That’s how you’re different, Aurora.”

“How?”

“You’ve survived. I highly doubt you believe in our way and our ideals. I’m not that naive. I do know that if you give them another chance, it’s going to hurt.”

“I’ve been hurt here as well.”

“We have saved you more than we have hurt you. It was never personal. It was always business. And in the end, they acted the same way that we would. Are you sure we are really that different?”

“I-“

“You don’t need to answer. Just think. Process how you feel and know that we wouldn’t lie to you.”

“Yeah, I know that I would be left for dead if I were captured.” I laughed.

He smirked at me with a sideways glance. I felt my face flush at the human interaction we were having. It confused me even more than he could be so kind. He was known for being ruthless, and there he was giving me life advice.

“At least I have a few cycles to process.” I laughed.

“Actually, Ren will be here in a few hours. His mission ended sooner than expected.”

“Oh. I guess I better figure things out quickly then.”

“Yes, we both know Ren is not the most patient man.”

“Thank you for the advice, General.”

He nodded before looking back at the screens around him. I quietly turned and walked back to my room. I had no idea what I was going to say to Kylo, but I knew my time to think would soon be over.


	8. A Complicated Choice

I was meditating on the bed when I felt his force signature getting closer. I felt my hands begin to shake, but I forced myself to ignore it. I needed to breathe and be calm. It didn’t matter what was coming, it only matter what I was feeling at that second.

I was anxious to see him. I was worried that I needed to answer his questions with as much honesty as I could bare to speak. I was terrified that I wouldn’t have a problem telling the truth at all. I guess I was more afraid of the truth than I was of him.

The closer I felt his signature get, the harder I concentrated on staying calm. I focused on each breath as I took it.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

With my eyes shut, it was almost as if I could see him walking towards me. I could feel his trepidation and anxiousness. He was reading me just as I was reading him. He hesitated in front of the door, and I let myself open my eyes just as the doors swung open. He walked in and dropped his helmet on the floor.

“You’re anxious.”

“As are you. Was the mission successful?”

“Yes. Was your conversation with Snoke helpful?”

He walked towards me and sat on the edge of the bed in front of me.

“She uh- she knew all that time that I was alive.”

“Yes.”

“Luke ran away knowing that I was here.”

He nodded as he intently stared at me.

“This hurts.”

“Good. It needs to. You need to let all of that pain in and know what it feels like.”

I felt tears in my eyes as I felt my resolve waiver.

“I can’t stay here and be your punching bag. I would rather die than be a slave for the rest of my life.”

“You’ve seen the future. Our future.”

He moved closer and pulled his glove off before gently placing his hand on the side of my face.

“I only ever hurt you to make you stronger. That’s the only way you can survive to fulfill your destiny. I needed you strong. I needed you to see the truth. The Jedi are a lie. The Resistance only cares about their war. Ben Solo was nothing but a pawn who was too weak to finish what he started.”

“You tortured me for years.” I sobbed.

“I made you stronger. I saved your life and I made you strong enough to survive. When the Resistance left you to die, I could have killed you. I could have ended it all and made your life useless. You are useless to them. You were a friend only when it was convenient.”

“I wanted to die.”

“Not everything you want is what is good for you. I’ve always seen your potential. From the moment I laid eyes on you, even before Ben Solo died. I knew you would do great things. I knew you would rule the universe if you set your mind to it. You’re strong and I’ve only made you stronger.”

“You have a plan for me.”

“You’ve seen my plan.”

“So I am to marry you? Have your children? How is that for the good of the First Order.”

He smiled softly at me, but I knew it was because he could feel my mind shifting and turning.

“Ben Solo killed Aurora. Kylo Ren brought her back to life. I know your place in my future. I know the reasoning behind all of this.”

“How does it help the First Order? Wouldn’t I just be a distraction?”

“No. The universe would see the girl that the Resistance let down and left to die standing hand in hand with the mighty force user.”

“So, Snoke would be using me.”

“Of course. He uses everyone until he doesn’t need them anymore.”

“So I need to stay useful.”

Kylo moved closer to me and looked me directly in the eyes.

“Do you want to be here?”

“I- I can’t answer you.”

“Then think it. Do you want to be here?”

_Yes._

“Do you want to be here with me?”

_Y-yes._

“Now say it out loud. I need to hear your voice. I need to hear you tell me that you’re mine.”

“I- I want to stay.”

“And?”

“I- I am yours.”

“So, you are choosing to stay here?”

“I- I think so.”

“Then I need you to prove it to me.”

“How?”

He pressed his forehead against mine and shut his eyes. My whole body was shaking as I tried to steady my breath.

“When the time comes, you’ll know.”

He kissed my forehead and left without another word. My head was spinning, and my stomach felt like it was in a knot. I decided to curl up and sleep, hoping that I would feel better when I finally did wake up. Part of me was screaming in shame that I had finally admitted I was dependent on him. The other part felt relieved that I finally spoke my truth. I felt like I was being torn in two.

* * *

I heard the door open, but the footsteps were wrong. I sat up to see Finn and another man rushing into the room. The door shut, and Finn punched in the code to keep it shut.

“Finn?”

“Aurora. We gotta get out of here. Come one.”

“What?”

“Finn, we don’t have time for this.” The other man said quickly.

“Yes, we do. I’m not leaving without her.”

“Finn, what is going on? Who is that?”

“Aurora, this is Poe Dameron. He is a pilot with the resistance. We’re going to get out of here. I can keep you safe. We can keep you safe.”

“Poe?”

I sat up the rest of the way and studied the man. He had cuts on his face that were crusted with blood. He looked exhausted.

“Yeah, that’s me. Look, lady, we gotta go.”

“You know Leia.”

“What? Of course, I know Leia. I’m a commander.” He scoffed.

“She knew I was here. But you would know that, right?”

“What?”

I stood up and looked at him. Finn was looking between the two of us, confusion written all over his face.

“Wait. Aurora. THE Aurora? Holy shit! Leia has been looking everywhere for you!”

He took a step towards me, but I instantly put more space between us. The smile fell from his face.

“What did he do to you?”

“What did he do? Master Ren? He saved me.”

“What?” They both asked in unison.

“Aurora, did you hit your head? I was here. I saw all the damage he caused you.”

Finn moved closer and put his hand on my arm. I ripped my arm from his grasp and stepped back.

“The Resistance is to blame for any pain I have been caused. The princess’ war was more important than me.”

“Princess- Aurora what the hell!? We need to go now. Finn grab her and let’s go.”

“How dare you. Yet again, I’m just a burden. You will never get off this ship alive.”

“Aurora, don’t do this.”

I stepped towards Finn but all I was seeing was red.

“FN-2187, you are betraying the First Order, Kylo Ren and me.”

“What? No.”

“You have betrayed everything you have ever stood for. You’re trying to help the enemy just as much as you’re trying to hand deliver me back to those who betrayed me.”

My fingers started sparking again as my anger spiked. The two put their hands up as they slowly backed towards the door.

“Listen, Aurora. I would never betray you. I’ve always been here for you. How many times did I pick you up off the floor after he hurt you?”

“He was making me stronger. I was weak. I had no purpose. I had no life.”

“How does that change as his slave?”

“I’m his future. Just as he is mine.”

“Finn, we need to get out of here.”

Just as the doors opened, my hand shot up to stop them from leaving. I had been so focused on Finn that I didn’t notice Poe had quickly reached down to grab his blaster. The shot came out, but I stopped it mid-air. My arm was shaking from the force and my head was pounding. I looked over at Finn and felt myself loosing my grip on the shot heading towards me.

_If you give them a second chance it will hurt._

Finn looked at me before taking off after Poe. My legs gave out as I continued to try to hold back the shot. I tried incredibly hard, but the shot won the battle. It screamed forward and slammed into my shoulder. I yelled out in pain, but I could feel the anger flowing through me. I stood up as soon as possible and stalked out of the room.

I could hear explosions and a call came over the intercom. It was ordering everyone to stop a TIE fighter from leaving. I moved quickly to the bridge as I saw everyone in a panic.

“Use the ventral cannons.”

“General Hux, is it the resistance pilot?”

“He had help from one of our own. We’re checking which one it is.”

“FN-2187.”

Both men turned to look at me standing in the doorway. My shoulder was throbbing, and I could feel blood running down my torso.

“Did he shoot you!?” Hux asked in disgust.

“It was the resistance pilot. I wouldn’t go with them. FN-2187 came to take me away and deliver me to the Resistance. I refused and tried to stop them.”

Kylo walked over and tore a small part of my shirt to look at the damage I had. I could feel his rage flowing around us.

“I’m sorry, Master Ren. I tried. I tried to stop the traitor.”

“We need to get you to the medbay.”

_Please have a doctor come to the chambers. I don’t want to see anyone._

“Very well. General Hux, send a medical officer to my chambers. I will get our guest there myself.”

Kylo grabbed my arm roughly as he led me down the hallway.

“Master Ren-“

“Shut up.”

“I’m sorry. I tried to stop them. I tried to make them stay.”

“I said shut up.”

“Please don’t be angry with me I-“

He stopped and struck me across the face. His chest was heaving as he grabbed my arm again and dragged my down the hallway further. When we reached the chambers, he shoved me in and followed. He rushed at me and grabbed my arms roughly.

“Why didn’t you go with them.”

“What? I- I wanted to stay here. When I found out he was trying to betray you I-“

“You were furious.”

“Yes.”

He ran his finger across the open wound on my shoulder, making me hiss out in pain. He seemed entranced by the wound and the pain he knew it was causing.

“They always say how different they are from us.”

“They hurt me as soon as I wasn’t going along with their plan.”

“Yes. They did. Now Leia will know you’re alive and that you chose to stay.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t stop them.”

He ran his now bloody fingers across my split lip. There was a small voice that kept telling me to stay away from him. He was causing me pain. It was the closest thing to comfort I had felt in a long time though. His gentle touches, no matter how much they hurt, were now my safe haven.

“You chose to stay. You chose to be mine.”

“Yes, Master Ren.”

He pulled his helmet off, letting it drop to the ground. Our eyes were locked together as we stood face to face. He bent down and pressed his lips against mine roughly. It hurt and all I could taste was my own blood, but my heart was racing. I was being surrounded by feelings of possession, lust, pain and obsession. He wanted me and felt pride in his ownership of me. It was intoxicating.

He pulled away from me when the door swung open to the medical officer entering. He quickly grabbed his helmet and put it on, not bothering to wipe my blood off his lips first. He stayed staring at me as he addressed the officer.

“Treat her wounds. Once you are done let me know. I will be back when you are completed.”

“Yes, Commander Ren.”

I watched him leave but the intoxicating feeling never left. My head was swirling as the memory of his lips on mine played over and over in my head. The pain of the wound being worked on was barely even noticeable. All that mattered was him. 

I desperately tried to get the medic to not give me pain meds, but in the end she did anyway. I wanted to stay awake until he came back so I could make sense of everything. I wanted to know where I stood with him. I had given my one chance of running away up and I needed to know it mattered.

Eventually I lost the fight and fell asleep. I thought I heard him come back in, but my eyes were too heavy to attempt to open.

* * *

_I was looking up at the stars when I heard the sound of footsteps getting closer. My body was sore from the training that I walked away from. I always got frustrated with Ben. He was so much stronger, and he never once let me win. Even though I never stopped fighting, there was just nothing I could do to best him. I felt him lay down next to me gracefully. He couldn’t even lay down without doing it perfectly._

_“Aurora.”_

_“I know what you’re going to say. You’re going to tell me that I reacted with my emotions instead of logic. You’ve given me this speech before.”_

_I looked over at him, still upset. He was looking at me with his soft brown eyes. I felt a smile starting to form on my lips, which only led to making me even more frustrated._

_“That’s not what I came out here to say. I came here to say that I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I can’t take a step back and not use every weakness against you. I’m sorry that every misstep you make I have to take advantage of.”_

_“Then why? Why can’t you just give me a break. Even just a small one.”_

_He rolled over on his side and pulled me closer to him. He ran his fingers down my face, brushing my long white hair out of the way._

_“Because I love you.”_

_I scoffed and tried to roll away. He tightened his grip on me, but it was never harsh._

_“Aurora, someday you’re going to face someone that is more powerful than we can ever imagine. The force is always testing and balancing itself. The stronger we get the stronger the dark side gets. I push you because I love you. I can’t see a life without you and that means I need you strong.”_

_“We will always face this together, Ben.”_

_His face looked sad, almost like he knew something I didn’t._

_“I can’t live forever, Rorie. There could be a day that you need to face the universe without me. That is why I am tough on you. I need you to be stronger than I am. It’s the job of the apprentice to become stronger than the Master. It’s my job to make sure that happens.”_

_“I just- I just wish we could run away.”_

_“I know, Rorie. I do.”_

_He kissed my forehead and pulled me even closer with his free arm. My body was flush with his and I could feel the head radiating off him._

_“I’d give it all up, Ben. All of this. The temple. The Jedi. The force. If it meant that I could be yours I would walk away from it all.”_

_He paused for a moment before sighing._

_“I wish it was that easy. I wish we could pack our things and go to the furthest edges of the universe and grow old together.”_

_“Sounds like a dream come true.”_

_He laughed and ran his fingers through my hair._

_“We could have kids. Watch them run around and play while we spent time together. Go to bed every night holding each other after a beautiful day together.”_

_“You’re such a romantic, Ben.”_

_He smirked at me before pressing his lips against mine. It started off innocent, but quickly our passion got the best of us. Our mouths worked together as we lost ourselves in each other. After a while, he moved so he was propped up above me, my legs wrapped around his waist._

_“I want you so badly, Aurora.”_

_I sighed and ran my fingers through his hair._

_“As do I. I want you to have every part of me.”_

_He sighed and put his forehead against mine._

_“I heard Master Skywalker leaving the temple. We need to get to bed.”_

_“I wish we could stay just a little longer.”_

_He pulled me up so I was sitting on his lap while he was on his knees. He kissed me passionately before pulling away slightly._

_“Promise me something.”_

_“Of course, Ben. Anything.”_

_“No matter what happens, I always want you to think of me when you think of this place.”_

_“This is our home, Ben Solo. I couldn’t possibly thing of anything but you. I know I should be thinking of my Jedi training and growing up. All I can ever seem to think about is being here in your arms though.”_

_“Good. I hope nothing can ever change that.”_

_“It can’t. And some day I will be yours. No holding back or hiding. No matter what I have to give up. I’ll always be yours, Ben Solo.”_


	9. Forced To Relive The Past

I woke up suddenly to the feeling of darkness and rage surrounding me. I looked around, but the room was too dark to see anything fully. I could feel him though.

“Master Ren?”

“Get up and get dressed.”

“Where are we going?”

“I said get up.”

He suddenly yanked me out of bed using the force and slammed me to the floor. I groaned, noticing just how much my blaster wound still hurt. I pulled myself to my feet using the bed.

“Why are you so angry? I’m groggy. They gave me pain meds.”

I walked over towards the refresher, but his rage only intensified.

“No need to shower, slave girl. Whatever clothes you can put on by the time I grab you by your hair and drag you out of this room is all you will get.”

“Slave girl?”

I could feel the anger pulsing out of him and he shot out of bed and grabbed my hair, just like he had said. He started dragging me down the hallway and to where all the ships were. There was one waiting for us that was only manned by a droid.

“What is going on? Let go of my hair! I barely have any clothes on!”

“Shut up.”

He gripped tighter as he dragged me up the ramp. When we reached the top, he shoved me forward, so I was sitting on the bench. The ship was cold as I was only wearing a thin long-sleeved shirt and pants. My shoes were still in my chambers and my hair was wild.

“Master Ren, where are we going?”

“I said shut up, slave girl.”

I let out a frustrated sigh as I wrapped my arms around myself. I was already starting to feel the chill from the ship and our movement out into open space. I pulled my legs up to my chest, trying to keep myself warm.

After flying for what seemed like forever, I felt the ship start to slow down. There was no way for me to look outside and Kylo wearing his mask made it perfectly clear he wasn’t going to tell me anything. I was starting to shake from the cold and did everything possible to hide that.

“A small part of you still romanticizes the past. That ends tonight.”

“I only romanticize the past because most of the time it’s better than the present. I accept this though. I accept what I have now and it makes the past much less valuable.”

“We will see about that.”

Right before the droid announces that we would be landing, he stood quickly. He moved to the doors and rammed his fist into the panel, forcing the door open. The ramp folded down and the landscape was finally revealed to me.

Though it was almost dark, I could see the ruins of charred wood and ash. The ground was barren from any plant life and there was absolutely no sound, other than the ship preparing to fully land. My heart fell into my stomach as I finally realized where we were.

“I take it you remember the place where Ben died?”

I inhaled sharply as the smell of the burned temple hit my nose. It instantly turned my stomach, making me have to fight the urge to throw up. I put my hand over my mouth in a rare show of emotion. I knew it would get me in trouble, but my head was swirling just as much as my stomach was.

“Of.. of course I do. This was my home.”

I was able to push the response out through my controlled breathing and fear. I had no memory of the actual night, but he had shown me in great detail. I was forced to watch my love die as the sabre was driven through me.

I watched him step down the ramp angrily and turn towards me. The anger radiating off him was making it hard to breathe, especially on top of the view in front of me.

“’My Home’?! You still believe that you’re that foolish, carefree girl that ran through this soot that was once grass?” He seethed.

He dragged his foot through the soot, stirring it up and breaking the silence in the graveyard like ruins around us. He pointed on finger behind him, not breaking his concentration from me.

“You still think you’re the girl that pranced through those embers that were once the Jedi temple?”

I tried to breathe through the anger and smell of rotting burned wood. His voice was tearing me apart. It was so easy to forget who the voice used to belong to on the ship. It made it easy to forget the past. But being there and hearing him so passionate was making my head swirl.

“I am still me. It feels like a past life, but I am still me. Aurora ran across those field and lived within those ruins when they still held hope. Them being in ruins doesn’t change me just as much as it doesn’t change the past that they held.”

“THEY HELD LIES!”

His voice roared through the silent air and sent a shiver down my spine. He reached in and grabbed me by the wrist, yanking me down into the soot and onto my knees. He grabbed my chin and forced me to look up at him, making tears threaten to fall down my face.

“That coward indoctrinated a group of children with the narrow-minded views that doomed his order generations ago, then fled when it inevitable failed rather than face the consequences! It was nothing more than an old man stroking his ego and damn those he used along the way!

When he let go my chin roughly, I looked down at the soot and it felt so wrong. I tried to remember what it looked like. I wanted to feel the soft grass on my hands but instead they were just covered with the black remains of what used to be.

“Then this place should be seen as a victory. The might Kylo Ren saved the children from a life of false ideologies and forced acceptance. Now instead of Jedi they are forgotten charred bones in a wasteland.”

I looked up at him in an act of defiance as I felt anger surge through me.

“They died for nothing.”

He grabbed his lightsaber from his waist and ignited it before I could blink. He whipped it into the cockpit of the ship, slicing through the droid pilot and most of the cockpit. Sparks shot through the air, bouncing off him and casting his dominating shadow over me.

“They were weak. As are you. I freed them from that weakness and I plan to do the same here.”

I looked over at the cockpit for a second before he roughly grabbed my hair, yanking me to my feet.

“Does that mean you’re finally going to lay me to rest where I should have died all those years ago? How poetic of you.” I laughed.

He yanked my head back, forcing me to look at him. He took a single step forward, pressing his body into mine.

“The foolish little slave girl won’t leave this force-forsaken planet again. One way or another.”

“Then kill me. It’s your torment, right? Watching me live and suffer? It’s a way to torture that small part of Ben that’s wasting away in that shell of a body. You warp me and torture me to keep him broken down. You want the past to die, right? Then kill me. Take that blade and shove it through my chest like you should have done years ago. You want the little slave girl dead. Then KILL HER!”

He glared at me as I could feel the dark energy growing inside him. He continued looming down at me as he reached his hand out, the sabre flying to him while the blade finally disappearing.

“Your defiance makes my blood boil, though I can’t help but to admire it. You’re strong.”

He pressed the still searing hot handle against my chin and slowly dragged it down my neck. I cried out in pain and tried to pull away, but his grip just became tighter.

“But your arrogance blinds you. She will die, but not by my hand.”

I could feel the tears welling in my eyes. The pain was unbearable, but not worse than being in that place.

“Then hand me the blade. I’ll finish what you started. I’ve begged for the release of death by your hand, but I’ll be happy to do it myself.”

He lit the lightsaber and shoved it into my hand, taking a step back to look at me. Even though he was wearing his helmet, I could feel his eyes on me. He crossed his arms behind him and stood perfectly still, studying me. I dropped to my knees, feeling overwhelmed by actually having the blade in my hand. I considered swinging it at my captor, but I knew he was too quick.

“You don’t think I will. You think that I am too weak to end it. Yet you don’t stand very far from me. You would stop me right before it drove through my chest with words of it being your will for me to die. I’m your property and have a purpose.”

I dropped the blade to the ground, watching it retract before it landed in the dirt.

“I’m done playing your games. I won’t beg to live or die. You get too much satisfaction from it.”

He pulled the sabre into his hand and tucked it into his belt. He reached his hand out for me to take, helping me to my feet roughly.

“Like I told General Hux, I won’t have a weak-minded apprentice.”

“Then why are we here?”

He turned me towards a barren hill and pushed me slightly forward, encouraging me to walk.

“I told you that we are here to strip that warped nostalgia for the past from you. Only then will you be able to fully devote yourself to me. This place is strong in both sides of the Force. It’s strong enough to forever preserve what happened here that night for those that are sensitive to it. Only here can our meditations bring us back to relive it.”

My mind felt foggy. My neck was still stinging but his gentle touch was contrasting the feelings.

“I told you, I don’t remember any of it. My mind has blocked it out. Using the force to help pull up something like that could break me.”

“I’m counting on it. Move.”

He pushed me forward and we started up the hill. He stayed half a step behind me, closely following. From the top of the hill, I could see the ruins. I frowned at it, not wanting accept that it had once been my home.

“I’ve heard of the dark side of the force killing off large areas of ground, but I’ve never seen it before.”

I never expected him to answer, but hearing my own voice was keeping me grounded. My voice was ringing out into the dead silence, almost like it was echoing off the dark energy that was surrounding us.

“Would the light even be strong enough to fix this? So much death that no life can survive.”

“There is no life left here to restore. The Dark Side consumed it, like a ravenous beast, down to the last blade of grass.”

We walked forward until we reached the very edge of where the building was. The smell was strong, as was the feeling of death.

“So, if life were to come back here the light would have a chance?”

I could feel him staring at me as I paused right at the threshold.

“It would take an infusion of concentrated Light to heal the earth enough for even the smallest of saplings to take route. But it may happen eventually, The Force balances itself. There can be no Dark without the Light. Even Supreme Leader Snoke concedes its necessity.”

He moved forward and turned so he was facing me. He was inside the threshold, just barely out of reach. Even though there wasn’t a physical barrier, I could feel it. It was where death began, and hope ended.

“You need to make the decision now. Step forward and relive this or die right where you stand.”

I looked at the ground directly where I could feel the barrier.

“No matter what I choose, I die.”

“Yes.”

I took a shaky breath and stepped over the invisible line. My legs gave out as the full force of the pain hit me. I could feel all the death and anguish forever staining the ground and air around me. I felt rough hands grab my arms, stopping me from crashing to the ground. I cried out, desperately trying to make the pain stop. I tried to pull away from him to get away.

“Stop fighting it.”

“Please, make it stop!” I cried.

“No. You’re going to do this.”

“I can’t!”

He let out a growl as he tossed his helmet on the ground. He gripped my arms tighter and started dragging me further into the ruins. I tried to keep up with my legs, but he was dragging me more than anything.

“You felt all this pain before, Aurora. Now stop fighting it and let those memories come back.”

I cried out again as he let me fall to the ground. I caught myself with my hands, but touching the ground made the pain worse. I recoiled, desperately trying to get relief. I felt his hand grab the back of my shirt and push me forward flat on my stomach.

“Stop fighting!” He roared.

 I stopped struggling and let my body relax. I could feel the soot staining my skin, like the very darkness around us. His hand moved up to the back of my neck as he gripped tightly while he knelt next to me.

“You need to relive this. You are going to. It’s up to you if you come out of this or not.”

I cried as I let him warp the force around us. He was using it to open up parts of my mind that I wanted to keep locked away.

“I’m going to help piece together the pieces you don’t remember. You aren’t getting out of this. Let go.”

I felt him violently shove into my mind as everything went black.

* * *

_I woke up, staring at the stars. I had opened my eyes to remember being in the field before, but this time was different. It wasn’t just a memory, it was me there. I controlled my breathing and looked forward, unsure of how much control I actually had over this state._

_“Aurora?”_

_My breathing hitched in my chest when I heard his voice. I looked to my side and was met with Ben looking at me. His eyes were incredibly kind and vulnerable. They were just how I remembered them._

_“Are you okay? You just kind of zoned out.”_

_“What? Yeah. Yes. I’m okay. Sorry, I’m just tired I guess.”_

_He reached over and brushed my hair away from my face, keeping his hand on me when he was done. His smile was beautiful, and I felt tears start to sting my eyes._

_“I wish we could just run away, Rorie.”_

_“Oh, Ben. You have no idea how much I wish that could be reality.”_

_“How many kids do you think we would have?”_

_I laughed, though even I could hear the sadness behind it._

_“However many you wanted. I’d give you anything and everything if it meant that I would forever have Ben Solo by my side.”_

_“I love you, Aurora.”_

_“I love you too, Ben. I always have.”_

_“And will you always?”_

_He had a soft smirk on his face as his hand moved down, cupping the side of my neck. I thought I felt something shifting in him, but I was too lost in his eyes._

_“Always, Ben. I’ll always love you”_

_“And you’ll always be mine?”_

_“Yes. Of course. There is no one else in the galaxy that could ever have my heart like you do.”_

_The smile faded from his face as his eyes became darker. Before I could move away from him, his hand tightened around my neck._

_“Did you really think I would just let you lay here in the soot and fantasize about dead boys? I’m still here, slave girl. Stop dancing around the truth. Stop fantasizing about Ben Solo, the coward.”_

_“Master Ren.”_

_Tears slipped down my face as I shut my eyes, making everything go dark again._

* * *

“Push further, slave girl. You’re fighting it.”

“I’m trying.”

I was still laying in the dirt and charred ruins. His hand was gripping the back of my neck, holding me in place and keeping a connection between the two of us. I felt him violently pushing back into my mind. I fought him for a moment, but he won as I screamed out in agony.

“Stop. Fighting.”

I sobbed out again, fighting the darkness that was taking over my thoughts.

“Just move the way you feel like you should. It’s a memory but you still have control. I’ll help guide your thoughts to make sure you go in the right directions. If you keep fighting, it’s going to kill you.”

* * *

_I opened my eyes and looked around. It was disorienting moving from reality and knowing it wasn’t anything more than a dream state. I took a few deep breaths and realized I was in my chambers at the temple. Most of the children shared rooms but I had been given my own as I got older. I had wanted to build my own hut outside of the temple, like Ben had, but Master Skywalker had insisted I stay inside._

_I sat up, letting my feet dangle off the side of the bed. It was one thing I enjoyed about having my own space. I was able to build things as I liked them, instead of it being uniform like everyone else. I liked my bed being up higher, it made it, so I was already standing as soon as I got out of bed._

_I shut my eyes, trying to feel the memory. I needed it to be played out. Relived. Understood. I needed to feel everything instead of seeing it through someone elses eyes._

_My lips felt slightly swollen. I brought my fingers up to touch them, letting the memory of Ben kissing me flutter through my head. I felt the memory like it was only moments before. I wanted to stay on the memory, but felt a sharp pressure in my mind, reminding me to keep going._

_My muscles felt sore. It felt like I had fought for hours. I wiggled my feet, feeling every muscle tighten and relax with the motion. I stretched, letting the feeling be truly felt. I was there, at the temple. I knew the memory and I was feeling it._

_I opened my eyes as I heard screaming. My nose was hit by the sharp scent of burning wood. I hopped down, letting my bare feet hit the floor. The cold hit my feet, but I pushed forward. I felt the worry and fear wash through me. I needed to find Ben._

_I opened up the door and the sounds of cracking fire and screaming children only got louder. I moved quickly, but tried to keep as quiet as possible. I kept repeating in my head that it would be okay as soon as Ben made it to the temple. I knew there was no way he couldn’t hear the screams. He would help me save everyone._

_I made it half way across the temple when the screaming stopped. I stopped moving at the sudden silence, trying to control my ragged breathing. After a few moments, no more sound was heard. I kept waiting to hear more. Anything would have been better than the silence. I started running towards the great hall, my bare feet padding against the floor._

_The closer I got to the great hall, the slower I moved. I was listening for anything that would indicate what was happening. I needed to be alert and instantly regretting not having a weapon with me. I had no idea what monsters would be waiting for me as I turned the corner._

_As I turned the corner, I saw a sweat drenched Ben. He was panting, his hair stuck to his face. He was holding his sabre in his hand, staring forward with wild eyes._

_“Ben. Oh my gods, what happened?”_

_He looked behind him as I finally saw the carnage. Everyone from the temple was dead. Bodies were strewn across the floor, surrounded by flames. My eyes locked in on a small boy, laying on his stomach. His eyes were wide open, still in fear but he was long gone. I brought my hand to my mouth as a sob escaped my lips. Ben looked at me again, but his eyes were wrong._

_“Ben, we need to get out of here. We need to find Master Skywalker.”_

_I felt rage radiate off him. I furrowed my brows as I tried to understand what was wrong. I wanted to run to Master Skywalker, but I was terrified to leave without Ben._

_“Ben? Ben are you hurt? What- what happened?”_

_His blade ignited, making me jump. His eyes were welling up with tears, making my chest tighten. I wanted so badly to move to him and pull him into my arms. We always kept our physical contact to a minimum inside the temple, but he needed me._

_“Was it always a lie?”_

_I took a step towards him, reaching for him. I so badly needed to touch him. I needed him to see that I was real. I was alive and standing in front of him._

_“Ben, is what a lie?”_

_“You said you loved me!”_

_My chest tightened even further at the pain in his voice._

_“I do. I do love you.”_

_“Your precious Master Skywalker turned you against me.”_

_“He cares about us! Both of us!”_

_“Us!” He roared as he stepped back._

_“Yes!”_

_“He know nothing of what we really are.”_

_“You don’t think he saw that? He knew we snuck off. He always know when we do. He knew we wanted more than this. He wants to help us be strong, so we can choose our own path.”_

_“You think he can help us? Help me? He isn’t strong enough.”_

_Tears were falling down his face now. His face was twisted in anguish, but I didn’t understand. My lips were still swollen from his kiss. My body still remember his touch but now he seemed to think that I was betraying him._

_“Ben, all I want is your love.”_

_“Love won’t save you. Love didn’t save me from the lies all around me!”_

_I stepped forward again, but he instantly stepped backwards. My face twisted in pain as I watched him struggle with himself._

_“Come away with me. We can just run away. It’s not too late. Everyone will think we died within these walls.”_

_“I’m not running away anymore. You have lied to me just as my dear uncle did.”_

_I shook my head and extended my fingers out further, desperately wanting him to take my hand._

_“I have never lied to you, ben. Master Skywalker didn’t lie either. Whatever happened, there has to be a reason, there has-“_

_“I don’t want to hear his name anymore! The master Jedi turned against me. And now I see you’re turning against me too!” He roared._

_His voice echoed in the room, causing me to pull my hand back in._

_“What happened to you? It’s like I don’t even know you anymore. Ben, you’re breajking my heart! I will never be able to stop loving you but this path- I can’t follow this path. Ben, did you kill all these people?”_

_“Because of Luke? Does he have you that brainwashed? I thought you were more than a slave girl that followed orders!”_

_Anger surged through me._

_“No! Because of what you’ve done! What else do you plan to do? Stop this. Stop now. Come back to me! I love you, ben. Please.”_

_“He’s turned you against me. Now you use your love to blind me. He can’t take that away from me. THAT ISN’T HIS CHOICE!”_

_He stepped forward, but I didn’t move. I didn’t understand what he was talking about._

_“He didn’t do anything! You’ve done all this yourself!”_

_He stepped forward again, but this time I took a step backwards. He was crying as he stared at me with hatred. I could feel the confusion and paid swirling around him. I desperately tried to find a way to get him to listen to me. I felt like my world was caving in around me._

_I heard his blade ignited just as I started projecting the memory of us in the field. The way our bodies fit together. The feeling of our lips on each other. Our plans of running away and giving up everything for him._

_I watched him hesitate as his soft eyes shined through, just for a moment. His arm moved forward, but the trajectory changed. The blade ran through me at my side. I screamed out in pain as he pulled the blade away. I reached for him, but my body crumpled._

_I wanted to scream more. I wanted to sob. I wanted and needed the pain to stop more than anything. I clutched at my side screaming in my head for the pain to stop._

_I felt arms around me as I was picked out. I screamed out, using every last bit of breath in my lungs. Whoever was holding me started running. Every step the took felt like I was being stabbed again. The movement finally stopped as I was set down. I could hear people talking, but nothing mattered. The pain was excruciating. Just something simple like breathing was too much._

_I felt someone touch my side, and I whimpered in response. I was tired. I wanted to go to sleep. Between the pain from my side and the pain of watching Ben accuse me of those awful things, I wanted to die. I looked up, one last time, wanting to catch a glimpse of Ben._

_He was looking at me. His face stained with blood and tears. My eyes started to shut as darkness took over. I was dying and I accepted that there was nothing left to fight for. At least I was dying with him, even if I wasn’t sure that Ben was even in that body anymore._


	10. Possession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, there is an additional warning for this chapter. There is smut in the first part. It isn't mushy gushy smut where Kylo changes into this loving man beast. I won't go into detail and it isn't non/con by any means. I just always warn if there is smut anywhere in my chapters :)
> 
> Also, I had a really hard time writing this chapter. I always tend to try to make Kylo soft and kind. I know that isn't the way his character is going in this story so if it seems rough at any part that is why. I am always up for constructive criticism <3

I gasped out as reality hit me. Kylo moved his hand from my neck but quickly grabbed my arm, pulling me to his chest. I was gasping for air and clutching at my side, fully remembering the pain I had felt. I cried out in agony.

“It hurts. It hurts so much. Make it stop. Please make it stop!”

“No. You need to feel this.”

“He- he- he was a monster! All those children. All those lives.”

I sobbed out again, burying my face in my hands. Rationally, I knew that it had been years since the temple had burned. I kept trying to tell myself that it was over, but the pain was unbearable.

I pulled away from him, standing up and staggering forward. I walked forward to where I knew the great hall was. I couldn’t get the image of the boy out of my head. As I got closer, I could feel the fear and death like a stain in the ground. I dropped to my knees, brushing the soot away to find the charred bones.

“He was a good kid. Taken from slavery like I was. I had helped convince him that he would be safe. I told him that he wouldn’t be harmed here.”

“You can’t promise that.”

“No, but I so desperately wanted to.”

I reached out and gently touched the remains, tears welling up in my eyes again.

“I’m so sorry.” I whispered.

I pushed the soot back on top of remains, knowing that they would never really be at peace. This place would never regain its light, no matter how hard anyone tried. It all died. All the hope and love that had been in that place. It all died.

“Yes. It’s gone. Just the remains that are left here.”

“There’s still me.”

I looked up at him, still kneeling on the ground. My hair was wild and stained from the environment around me. My clothes were a sickly grey instead of the steady black they had been before. He still seemed so collected, other than a bit of grey on his pants.

“My body should be here in the ruins with everyone else. Why me? Why do I survive and breathe while everyone else.. while everyone else rots?”

“Because you loved a child. Instead of just killing and walking away like he should have, he was weak. He hesitated. That is why you feel the pain you feel now. The anguish. He couldn’t just kill you, he had to keep you as his.”

“And now you keep me as yours.”

“I see potential in you. I can see your greatness and I know that if you would just let go of the past you could achieve it. You aren’t the slave girl that tried to tame a rabid dog. You’re strong. Everything you’ve been faced with you’ve moved past it. And as much as I hate to give you praise, you’ve done a lot of it with grace.”

“Please don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not. I don’t sugarcoat anything. I wouldn’t start now.”

He reached his hand out, still standing tall. I put my hand in his, letting him help me to my feet. He wrapped his hand around mine, placing them on his chest.

“You have no place in this story. You should have died in this temple. You had no family and no one to care about you. You’re nothing to anyone. Everyone abandoned you.”

My eyes shifted down. He was right. My own family sold me off into slavery. I had no one. No one in the galaxy cared if I survived.

“But not to me.”

I looked back up at him. His eyes were softer than normal. They still had the familiar pain, but they were new. They didn’t belong to a ghost or a monster. They belonged to Kylo Ren.

“I won’t promise you happiness or an easy life. You know the obligations that Supreme Leader Snoke has put on you. You know what you owe the First Order. But I will promise you that I will train you to the best of my ability. I will care about your life and the lives of any life we create together. I know that the dark side will make you stronger.”

“Why now? Why say all of this to me here?”

“Because I needed you to see everything. I needed you to know the past you held onto was a lie. Ben Solo killed you. I saved you. Everything I have done to you is to make you stronger. And look how much stronger you are now.”

“It hurts.” I whispered.

“Good! Use it.” His voice intense.

He moved closer to me, tilting my chin up so I could look at him. His eyes were gleaming as he studied my face. His thumb ran across the burned flesh from his sabre, the pain making my thoughts seem clearer.

“Use it. Hold onto that pain. Remember what this feels like. Remember the pain this place caused you. Remember how everyone abandoned you.”

“Everyone but you.”

“Yes. Everyone but me.”

* * *

We walked back to the broken shuttle in silence. I had wrapped my arms around myself both from the cold and from the memory of the blade through me. It was absolutely silent with no life around us. The only noise was my soft breath and the crunching of the earth beneath our feet. He walked us to a dead tree near the shuttle and motioned for me to sit down.

He walked away, but my eyes were on my feet. They were black and had a few spots that had been split open. I curled them under myself hoping that any heat from my thighs would warm them up a bit. I let my hair fall forward across me, knowing that it wouldn’t do anything for heat. The ends of it were black like the ground but I just couldn’t get myself to care.

I felt so broken. My body was shaking, and I was convinced it was much more to do with the trauma than the cold. Kylo had told me what happened, but it was hard to believe. I hadn’t trusted him and part of me assumed he was making it up just to get me to give up on Ben.

I snapped out of it when he dropped a few logs and sticks on the ground. He quickly arranged them and lit them on fire. I brought my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around my legs. Kylo walked away again, leaving me to stare at the fire.

I didn’t want to think about it, but the cracking kept bringing me back to the temple. It had been burning around me and I barely even noticed. I had been so focused on my own wants that I hadn’t even noticed that everything was changing.

“Let me put this on your burn.”

Kylo sat next to me and pulled his gloves off. He tilt my head back gently and put thin bacta bandages on the burn he gave me. When he was done, he turned my head, so I was looking at him.

“You need to let it go, Aurora.”

“How do I let something like that go? You were able to move on and change your life.”

“Your life changed.”

“I just went through it. I mean- I know I physically went through it years ago. But I didn’t remember it. It’s like it just happened to me.”

“It will fade.”

“I just want off this force-forsaken planet. I want to wash this soot off my body and forget it even happened. I want this planet to not even exist anymore.”

“I could have Hux blow it up.”

He had a small smirk playing on the corner of his lips. I snorted out a laugh. He was actually joking with me, though it was rather morbid.

“Wouldn’t be hard either, we would just need to tell him we saw a resistance fighter in this part of the galaxy.”

He chuckled lightly and ran his thumb across my jawline. I shivered at his touch.

“Cold?”

“I don’t have ten layers of clothes on like you do.”

He smirked at me and pulled me into his lap, making me straddle him. He wrapped his cowl around me, wrapping his arms around me in the process.

“This should help, though if we had no clothes on you would get warmer faster.”

I felt my face flush at the sudden contact and suggestion.

“I am far too cold to take these clothes off.”

He hummed at my response and moved forward, pressing his lips against my neck next to the burn.

“You know, I could make you warm and make you forget.”

I could feel the lust waving off him mixed with the possession he has always felt. I shut my eyes, trying to focus on steading my breath as he ran his lips across my jaw. I could still hear the crackling fire behind me, reminding me where we were.

“Let go, Aurora.”

“I- I can’t.”

“Yes you can. Do you remember what I said the first time we were in bed together?”

“You said a lot of things.”

He hummed in agreement against my skin.

“I told you that you would want me. You would beg me to take you. Now is your chance.”

“Why would I beg?”

“This place won’t have its hold over you anymore. The fire, the death, the betrayal. I can wipe it all away. We both get what we want.”

“And- and what is it you want?”

He moved his head back, so we were making eye contact. He cupped the sides of my face, wiping more soot on my pale skin. He moved his hands up, so they were in my hair, pushing my head back slightly.

“I want you to be mine. I want to take every part of you, right here. I want to show you what it feels like to truly belong to me.”

“And I’ll forget about the pain?”

“I’ll make sure that every time you think of this place, you’ll end your thoughts on me.”

I looked at him, desperately hoping that he would pull away and taunt me. I wanted him to push me away and laugh at how desperate I sounded.

“I should keep fighting. I shouldn’t give myself over to you. I should keep clawing and scratching my way away from you, right? The past doesn’t matter, and it doesn’t change who you are. Isn’t that the right thing to do?”

“We both know that right and wrong is subjective. You know where your path is meant to end. You died here. You have a knack for holding onto ghosts.”

I realized then just how tired I was. I didn’t want to fight anymore. I didn’t want to keep him at bay. I wanted more than anything to live a lift that didn’t rip me in two.

“I don’t want to be town in two anymore, Kylo. I need to let it all go. I need to feel free again. Please. Please help me.” I whispered.

“I’ll make you forget all the pain, Aurora. It will stay buried and forget in this wasteland like everything else. So many beginning and ends have started here. This is your final beginning. This is where your new path will start.”

I could feel him pushing against the wall I had up on my mind.

“Let me in, Aurora.”

I shut my eyes, letting the wall crash down. He quickly invaded my mind, but let me see his just as much. I had always been much better at letting him in than keeping him out. He was strong, and we had been connected for so long. His transformation only solidified that. Our minds connected made me feel more venerable than I ever had.

“I can see what you want. I can feel it. I need you to say it though. I need you to tell me what you want.”

“I.. I can’t.”

“Say it.” He growled as he tightened his hands on my waist.

“I- I want you to claim me. Make me yours in every sense of the word. Make me forget what this place used to be to me. Please, take away what is left of the hold the past has on me.”

“Would just anyone do?”

“What?”

“Would it matter who was here with you?”

“Of course. I just want you. I’m done fighting it. I’m done denying what I truly want, even if it opens me up for more hurt. There has only been one person in this galaxy that has not let me down. No one else matters but you, Kylo Ren.”

He let out a growl as he smashed his lips against mine. He pushed forward, making me fall onto my back with him on top of me. My legs were wrapped around his waist as he pinned my hands above my head, my chest was heaving as I looked up into his eyes.

“There is no going back. There is no changing your mind once we do this.”

“I know. I need it to change. I need all of it to not hurt so badly.”

He smashed his lips against mine again before pulling away. He grabbed the front of my shirt and tore it off my body. I gasped, my eyes widening at the sudden violent movement. Before I could fully register my shirt was ruined, he reached down and did the same to my tight black pants.

“Too many clothes.”

He moved back on top of me, pinning my hands down even though I hadn’t moved them. His body covered mine, partly shielding me from the cold. He bit and kissed my neck until he reached my collar bone.

“Its c-cold.”

“You won’t be cold for long.”

He let go of my hands, moving to cup one of my breasts and running his other hand down my side. I moved my hands to touch his face as he stared into my eyes, but paused. I realized how black my hands were from the ground. He reached up and grabbed my hand, running it down his face. It made him look even more wild as my breathing hitched in my throat.

“I’m not a Jedi. I’m not afraid of the dark and filthy.”

He pulled his shirt off, exposing his rock-hard body. He was so pale in comparison to everything else, so I carefully ran my char covered hands down his chest, lightly letting my nails dig in. He groaned out and gently wrapped his hand around my neck.

“That’s it, Aurora. Let go.”

He reached down and pulled his pants down to his knees before eagerly laying forward and kissing me again. I could feel him pressing against me and I felt my face run hot. While he continued to kiss me passionately, he reached down, pulling my legs up again so I could wrap my legs around his waist. My body started relaxing into him, getting more comfortable with his skin touching mine. He invaded my mind, feeling everything that I felt. He let the lust and possession swirl between us, making my mind hazy. I broke the kiss and looked up into his eyes.

“It probably sounds, naïve but.. will it hurt?”

“Yes.”

“Oh.”

“Not as much as this place hurts though. I can’t wipe away all your pain, but I can replace it with a different kind.”

I nodded as he kept eye contact with me. I felt him shift as he started pressing against my entrance. I tried to focus, but he pushed into my mind again. He refilled the memories and sensations of us kissing and sharing body heat. He pushed himself in as I moaned loudy. It hurt like hell. He didn’t ease his way in or take it easy on me. The way he made me feel passion and lust at the same time made the pain delicious.

Nothing about the way he was slamming against my body was gentle or romantic. He was radiating lust, passion and ownership as our bodies moved together. He moved between kissing my lips and biting at my neck and collar bone. The pain only spurred both of us on. I dug my nails into his back, feeling the wetness of the small cuts against my hands. He growled against me skin before rolling us over so I was on top of him.

He grabbed both of my wrists, holding them with one of his hands behind my back. The other hand wound in my haid, yanking my head back to look at him. I screamed out as he continued to move violently inside of me. My eyes fluttered shut, making him yank at my hair harder.

“Look at me.”

I opened my eyes to look into his. I could see and feel everything he was feeling as our bodies and mind melded together. He moved faster as I could feel our climax coming. It was strange to feel both of us heading there at the same time. His hand tightened on my wrist and into my hair as we both were slammed by our orgasms. I screamed out as my legs were shaking.

“That feeling. That feeling of possession and ownership. The pain I brought to you while also allowing you to feel pleasure. THAT is what you will remember of this place. No matter how many times you think of the pain you endured in that temple.. this memory is where you will land.”

I was still bent into the painful position on top of him. The longer he held me there, the more aware of the pain I became. My sweat covered skin was starting to cool down in the freezing air as he looked at me.

“Say it.”

“Yes, Master.”

“What will you remember of this place?”

“Everything you have given to me.”

My voice surprised me. I almost sounded like I was in a trance. He released my hair and hands, pushing me off him onto the cold ground. I watched him redress as the cold hit me full force. I was shaking, trying to wrap myself up in my own arms to keep some type of body heat. He tossed his tattered cloak to me and I instantly wrapped it around myself.

“How are we getting back?”

“A ship should be here momentarily.”

“And my clothes..”

“Are destroyed. You’re lucky I’m giving you what I have.”

I felt anger flash through me, but I quickly pushed it away. I wanted to fight with him and argue the fact that I would be returning to the ship with a very tattered cloak wrapped around me, but I kept telling myself that it would happen if I argued or not.

“No, if you argue with me you’ll board the ship with nothing.”

The ship came into sight and landed next to the destroyed one we arrived on. I followed him, eager to get to a shower and warmth. As we reached the ramp, I looked back at the ruins behind us. For a place that used to hold so much hope for me, it held nothing but pain.

“Good.” Kylo growled as the ramp closed behind us.


End file.
